Where You Belong

15

"Addison!" Derek called as he recognized his ex-wife exiting a patient room down the hall. She paused, her back to him, but didn't turn to face him for several moments.

"What do you want, Derek?" She asked when he was close, her voice low and flat.

"I want to talk."

"I have nothing left to say to you."

"Well, I have some things to say," he told her as calmly as he could. "Do you think you could listen?"

"Derek, I just don't want to fight anymore." She remained stoic, but a hint of vulnerability betrayed her through her voice.

"Okay. We don't have to fight. I just want you to listen."

She sighed heavily. "Fine."

"Thank-you."

He led them down the hall to a small meeting room, where he silently motioned for her to take a seat and he closed the door, hoping for privacy.

She collapsed into the far chair and crossed her arms across her chest, remaining silent; obviously committing to her job to simply listen. Derek sighed and sat across from her. "I don't want to fight anymore, either," he began quietly. He had spent an hour in his office after his talk with Meredith, finishing his paperwork as he calmed down to ready himself for this talk.

She didn't speak, but met his eyes, her expression relatively unguarded in response to his softer tone.

Derek nodded his appreciation to her willingness to listen. "I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to hate you, Addison. We weren't happy for a long time. We both know that. And it was as much my fault as it was yours. I'll take half the blame for that. And I don't know what hurts more, that you cheated, or that you cheated with Mark."

She avoided his eyes, but it was out of disgrace and not anger. "I am sorry about that, Derek. I hate that I ruined your friendship."

"I know you do. And one day, I want to forgive you for that. But I can't begin to do so when all you seem to do is try to make my life difficult." He paused. "Why are you here?" He asked softly.

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"Are you here for me?" He asked hesitantly. "Are you waiting for me to come back to you?"

"I just don't know anymore, Derek."

"We weren't happy," he reiterated. "Even before Mark, we weren't happy. I think that we were headed in this direction, and all you did was speed up the process."

"Do you think we could have salvaged us, if I hadn't..."

Derek shrugged. "I don't know." He had asked himself this question. "Maybe we could have, but for how long? In retrospect, we're very different."

"That's not always a bad thing."

"Not always, but I think we're different where it counts. Addy, you want the Hamptons and charity events and designer names and private practice."

She nodded. "I do. But I can change. I don't have to have those things."

"But you shouldn't have to change to be happy."

"And I made you change too much."

"You made me change a lot. But I didn't realize what was happening. I thought that was just what you did when you were successful."

"Were you really unhappy?"

He sighed. "I don't know. I didn't even realize I was unhappy until I moved out here. I own forty acres of land and I live in a trailer and I work more hours than I sleep. And I love it."