Where You Belong

61

Swathed in one of Derek's old college sweatshirts – aka one of Meredith's new shirts – Meredith half sat, half lay on the couch in her living room, watching television and spooning ice cream into her mouth. It had been a week since her accident, and three days since Derek had brought her home.

It was also the first day since her accident that Derek hadn't spent most of his time by her side. She had finally convinced him to go into the hospital. As much as she enjoyed his constant presence in the last week, she knew it would be good for him to have some air. He needed to leave her for several hours and come back to find her still there.

She had, of course, known something had been off with him, but she had had no idea how deep his fears and insecurities lay. The truth about his father's death had shocked her. His behaviour and attitudes about his father had led her to believe the death had been sudden and unexpected, but she had never found the right time to ask. And now that she knew, she had no idea what to say to him, no idea how to make it better.

She also had no idea how to make his unfounded guilt about her drowning disappear. It was because of him that she was alive; why couldn't he see that?

Meredith sighed and shoved a large spoonful of strawberry ice cream into her mouth, grateful that Derek had thought to pick some up the previous day when she had forced him out of the house for at least an hour. They had spent the day of his revelations together, and then the next day – yesterday – Meredith had awoke knowing the only way Derek was going to begin to feel more secure was spending some time away from her.

And maybe it would be good for her too. As much as she wanted to cling to him every moment of every day, she knew it was time she took a step back and focussed on what had happened to her. She had almost died. And her mother had died. Meredith still didn't know how she felt about Ellis's sudden passing, but she did know how what she felt about her own almost sudden passing.

Terrified.

The incident with the bomb months before had scared her, but nothing in her past had ever left such a bitter taste in her mouth as her near drowning experience. She had almost lost the future she had been working so hard towards. There were still so many things she wanted to experience, so much more she had to say.

She stuffed another spoonful of cold strawberry goodness into her mouth, trying to convince herself it was a good thing Derek was gone for the day. It was good and healing for both of them.

The need to have him around at all times had gradually faded over the week, leaving Meredith only moderately uncomfortable being left to her own devices for the day; a low enough level that she could drown it in strawberry ice cream.

Normally on a day like this, when she was tired and alone in her house, she would pop one of her mother's many surgical tapes into the VCR and give herself a vicarious surgery high. But her mother's death the week before had turned her off the tapes for the time being, leaving her alone with day time television.

And day time television left much to be desired. She steered clear of soap operas because, seriously, she got enough drama in real life. Day time movies weren't fun without someone to make fun of them with. Talk shows were...talk shows. And she could only watch so many sitcom reruns before she wanted to kill herself.

A knock at the door pulled her from her boredom.

Meredith paused, her spoon half way to her mouth, considering who may be at the door. Derek had left as late as he possibly could that morning. George had been over before lunch to 'say hi,' which was code for 'checking up on her.' Cristina had called. Izzy had called twice. Derek had called and texted several times.

After stuffing her mouth full of ice cream, Meredith dropped her ice cream carton onto the coffee table and stood. Her exhaustion was still there, but getting better every day. And other than her ribs, there was no more pain.