Where You Belong

111

"You sure you want to do this?" Derek asked his sister as they stood together at the doorway to the wedding hall.

With her arm hooked around his, Lauren easily elbowed him in the ribs. "I never should have picked you for this."

"Why not? I'm an excellent aisle walker. I have an exceptional aisle walking gait." He bounced on the balls of his feet to emphasize his point.

Lauren laughed. "You're a dork."

He bumped her hip with his, and asked again, "You sure you want to do this? I have the getaway car all ready outside. Just say the word and-"

She elbowed him again. Harder.

"Ouch," he complained.

"Serves you right. Are you going to be like this tomorrow?"

He shrugged. "Of course. Today's the rehearsal. Therefore, I'm rehearsing what I'm going to do tomorrow."

"Great; that gives me about twenty hours to replace you."

"You can't replace me. I'm the centre of the show. They're all here for me," he motioned to small scene taking place at the bottom of the aisle. Their three sisters, Jane, and Nathan's mother were trying to decide exactly who would stand where during the ceremony. All three Shepherd sisters were bridesmaids and would stand with their sister, along with Lauren's daughter, Emily. Nathan's brother and two of his long time friends were standing with him. The four men were currently standing to the side in a semi-circle, chatting with Nathan's father. Meredith and Brian were sitting together a few rows back, acting as 'guests.'

She laughed out loud and leaned against him. "Thank you for being here."

He kissed her on the cheek. "You're my baby sister. I wouldn't not be here for the world."

She smiled at him. "I like the new you."

"The new me?"

"Yeah." She nodded, and then cocked her head as she studied him. "Or, maybe not new. Maybe just...uncensored."

"Uncensored?"

"You didn't used to be like this. Well, you did; a long time ago. And then you stopped. I thought you changed. But now I think you just limited yourself for a long time. It's like you're you again."

"I like being me again." He smiled at the thought. Months and months ago, when Nancy had surprised him with a visit to Seattle, he hadn't been certain of who he was, and her comparisons to his previous life had sent him into a tailspin. He hadn't been able to handle her pointing out the many, many differences between his 'old' life and his 'new' life. He understood himself much better now, though, making him able to understand how his family saw him. He'd learned about himself, and he was actively learning how to interact with his family again; as him and not the censored person he had made himself into for so many years.

Some of his progress he attributed to leaving New York and starting fresh in a new city and a new hospital. The rest he attributed to Meredith. She had given him the strength, support and understanding he needed to break free of his own constraints. She had loved him for him without any additional expectations. And that was what he had needed. He no longer felt the need to be someone he wasn't. He no longer felt the need to keep himself at a distance.

And now he was at his sister's wedding, feeling reconnected with his family. He felt like he could finally breathe properly.

"I like that you're you again. I missed you."

"I won't stop being me ever again," he promised.

Lauren smiled at him. "Good. She's good for you, you know?"