Where You Belong

98

"I thought I heard someone say you were here," Derek called as he approached his former friend-and-co-worker's mother, who, assuming he had heard correctly, had been sitting in the surgical waiting room for several hours, waiting for Cristina Yang. He fought the urge to mention the likely futility of her quest and instead pasted a smile on his face.

"Hello," Mrs. Burke greeted welcomingly.

Derek sat beside her with a sigh. "I've tried calling him, but he's not returning my calls..."

"He's doing his best," she said with a nod, and then her expression changed and she turned to him. "Do you think... Do you think she really loved him? Cristina?"

Derek exhaled. It was a question he had asked himself, even before Burke had left Cristina at the church. So much of their relationship had been the same as himself and Meredith, and yet so much had been different. At the hospital, in the OR, they had been strong. In sync. Committed. But outside the OR, those traits had wavered. Had broken, several times, from what he heard from Meredith. His own relationship had had its problems, but had never broken. He and Meredith were just as committed outside the OR as in.

But that didn't mean Cristina hadn't tried her best.

"I think she loved him the best that she knew how," he stated truthfully. Burke had pushed her too hard, and though she had always resisted, she had gone along with him eventually. She had tried. Burke had tried to understand her better – Derek knew from their conversations – but had never tried to modify his life to fit hers. He had never accepted the things she wanted or considered that the way she wanted them were valid. They had been too different. Too set in their ways.

Mrs. Burke nodded thoughtfully. "And that would not have been enough for you either," she extrapolated.

"No," he agreed. He had learned to love openly, and he wanted to be with someone who could do the same.

"So, you would have ended it too."

Derek sat back in his chair. "Well, Preston and I are built differently." After growing up with four sisters and being expected to be everyone's support, Derek had learned to match his life to anyone else's.

Mrs. Burke stared at him, waiting for further explanation.

He hesitated. He would never have left a woman at the altar. He would have sucked it up and walked down the aisle and done the 'right' thing. He would have said I do and done his best to make a life. He had done it before. It wasn't until he met Meredith that he realized he should expect his partner to bend part of their life to meet his. It wasn't until he met Meredith that he realized he could expect his partner to modify their life and their dream to meet his. Commitment wasn't about making the other person happy. It was about both being happy.

"I'd like to think I would have ended it sooner," he admitted, "And I'm sure Preston feels the same way. Though, he was strong enough to..." He trailed off, not even knowing what term to use to describe what Burke had done. Part of him hated the man for what he had done, but the other part wondered if the result would have been worse in a few months or a year. "We're built differently," he repeated.

Mrs. Burke sat up in her chair. "Honourable men are all built the same."

He felt the corners of his lips tugging upwards. "You think I'm honourable?"

"Do you know what to walk away? Do you know when not to take less than you deserve? If you do, you're an honourable man."

Derek smiled now. These were traits he had learned with Meredith. He had walked away from her at the airport, had given her his blessing to get on a plane that would take her away from him for two weeks, because he had known that was what she needed. He had also learned to take from his family, instead of just give. He could seek comfort and support now, when he needed it. She had taught him that.