Where You Belong

49

Meredith stood outside the glass wall of the NICU, staring in at the small, recovering infant lying in her small cubicle. The little girl – Laura, Meredith reminded herself – wasn't even a day old, and had already undergone lifesaving surgery. But she was tough, and every monitor that stood around her showed good signs. And the very attentive nurse had checked on her five times in the hour or so that Meredith had been standing there.

It was early morning, very early. Molly was still fast asleep in her hospital room, Susan asleep on the chair by her bedside. Meredith knew this because she had checked.

Meredith could remember staying in the hospital for a night when she had been eight after she had gotten her tonsils out. Her mother had stopped in after the procedure to check in on her, had been paged into surgery quickly after, and had gone home for the night without saying goodbye.

Molly was twenty-two – and okay, a c-section where the baby almost died is a lot more serious than a simple tonsillectomy – but Susan had barely left her bedside. Meredith had gotten about a minute and a half with her mother around, and then hadn't seen her until the following afternoon. She could remember the girl in the bed next to her, also a tonsillectomy patient, whose parents had stayed until the nurses forced them out, and were back first thing in the morning. And they had thought to pack games and books and her favourite stuffed animal.

Ellis had barely thought to pack Meredith pajamas.

The nurse made her sixth pass of Laura's monitors, sending Meredith a quick glance of suspicion. Meredith sighed. She had been standing there for over an hour now; she really had to move on.

Laura was doing okay, and as much as Meredith wanted to not care, she had been drawn to the NICU early that morning. She had needed to check on the small baby, her...

No.

She wouldn't use the term.

Susan Grey was not her family.

Molly Thompson was not her sister.

And Laura was definitely not her...niece.

With one last glance, Meredith pulled herself from the window. She would need to get ready for rounds soon. And rounds meant pre-rounds, which meant Susan and Molly would be waking soon. And that meant Meredith could very well be caught.

And the last thing she needed was another well-meaning speech by her father's bright and shiny wife.

Meredith stumbled slightly as she made her way towards the elevator. Coffee. She definitely needed coffee.

She hadn't slept a wink since early the previous morning.

Her mother had been agitated the night before, so Meredith had made a point to go into the nursing home before work that morning. And her mother had made a point of stating the one thing Meredith had always suspected. Okay...maybe Ellis hadn't exactly made a point to say it. With the Alzheimer's running rampant through her mind, she hadn't been aware Meredith was her daughter when she had stated her sincere disdain for having had a kid.

I never should have had a kid.

She had taken the news – not that it was exactly news to her – as stoically as she could, and had only shed one tear on her way to the hospital, hoping the day would go easy on her.

Instead, she had spent her shift sticking up for her best friend against her other friends. And there was that little part where Molly was admitted for an emergency c-section and the baby almost died. And the part where she had frozen in surgery. And the part where Addison had made her give hourly updates to Susan and Molly.