♡︎ Billie ♡︎
Frankie and I haven't really spoken the past week and a half, and I haven't slipped into my headspace since. I don't really know what to say to her. Ever since she told me I could call her 'mommy' I've been afraid to slip. It's not that I don't wanna be able to call someone 'mommy' because I really really do but I don't know want to freak her out. When I was with Celeste, my mean ex mommy who left me all alone, I only felt comfortable calling her mommy when we get really close.
It really freaked her out when I started slipping around her, and I thought she was okay with it because after a while she stopped looking at me like I was weird. And that day before she left me in the parking lot of the supermarket I had been really fussy and emotional. Celeste had got a promotion at her job and for two weeks up until that day she hadn't really had time for me. When I'm little I need attention and affection. Maybe it was too overwhelming for her to care for more and work her job. On the way to that supermarket she had hit me.. and not as a punishment. She was just as shocked as I was, we sat quiet the whole way there until it was time to get out of the car. When I reached for my teddy bear before getting out the car she lost it.
There is a big part of me that is afraid to have a mommy again. Celeste was the first person besides my family that I told. We had been dating for a few months prior to her abandoning me. The day we met was the day my parents- well should I say- my mother kicked me out and my father just watched. I don't want Frankie to abandon me too.
"Billie?" Her raspy voices pulls me from my thoughts. I look up at her and she frowns.
"You poor thing! I'm so sorry Frankie, I didn't even notice she was upset. She's been quiet since you left her with me" Ava explains.
"It's okay, don't worry about it Ava" she says before moving closer to me.
"Can I carry you?" She mumbles placing her hand on my cheek.
I nod, gathering my things and shoving them in my backpack before putting it on. She picks me up, carrying me on her hip. I wave to Ava and she blows me a kiss almost making me giggle.
"It's been really nice having you here, Frankie" Ava concurs.
"Ava, I still work here, just from home now. But feel free to stop by any time you wanna see Billie, I can tell you've grown attached to her" Frankie chuckles.
"Don't tell me that, dear. I'll start to become an unwanted house guest" Ava giggles, "I'll send over your schedule the day after tomorrow. See you around, Frankie. And I'll see you very soon Billie" she taps my nose lightly.
I wave to her one final time as Frankie carrie's me out of the building. I completely forgot that Frankie told me she was going to start working from home soon.
When we get to the apartment, Frankie immediately sets me down in the room so we can talk.
"Why were you crying, sweetheart? We haven't really spoken, did I do something to upset you?" She frowns once again.
My eyes meet her as I slowly back away leaving lord of space between us.
"Bil, whatever I did please tell me so I can make it better. I don't want you to be upset anymore" she sighs looking down into her lap.
".. it's not you" I mumble quietly, almost hoping she didn't hear me.
"Then what's going on? I can't help you if you don't talk to me" she starts inching towards me.
My bottom lip is now tucked between my teeth as I fight back the urge to cry again, ".. you don't think I'm weird.. right?"
My voice is soft and cracked, I could've said something else but that was the first thing that came to mind.
"Billie, of course I don't. What brought this on?" She says moving me closer to her.
I just shake my head. She'll think I'm silly if I say it.
"Tell me, please. I wanna-"
Her phone rings and she groans loudly.
"Hey mom!" She plasters a fake smile on her face but it doesn't last for long, "y-you what?... here?.. oh.. okay. No no that's uh.. that's okay. Yeah see you soon.." She puts down her phone and sighs.
"My mother and sister are coming over.." She mumbles.
My eyes widen and panic sets in. I get off the bed and begin to put all of the little things away.
"Billie, you don't have to do that. You haven't slipped in over a week" Frankie says softly.
"N-no they'll think I'm weird too" my voice cracks, "no let dem see Biwie wike dis." When I realize I've slipped I start crying.
"Hey hey it's alright, I don't think you're weird and neither will they" she scoops me up and tried to console me.
She sits on the bed with me now in her lap, grabbing my paci from off the bedside table and puts it in my mouth.
♡︎ Frankie ♡︎
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Why did my mother and sister have to choose right now to tell me they are on their way over. Billie has been upset for a while and I wanted to tend to her today and now with my family coming over this just upset her even more.
I whisper reassuring words to Billie as I rub her back to soothe her. Poor baby is probably so overwhelmed. After a few minutes her breathing slows and she goes limp against me. She fell asleep. Very gently, I lay her down on the bed making sure to tuck her in and place her Stitch plushie next to her.
I leave the bedroom, leaving the door open so I can keep and eye on her while I straighten up the living room. Next I do the dishes and sweep the floor. Once that's done I put on comfier clothes, I've been wearing jeans all day so I decide to throw on some basketball shorts and a t-shirt. I want to put Billie in comfortable clothes as well, she's wearing denim short overalls and a t-shirt but I don't wanna wake her.
My phone rings, guess that ends my mental debate. No time to change her now.
"Frankie we're here" my mom says when I accept the call.
"Okay, I'm coming down."
Fingers crossed this goes well..
