Shards of Sanity || Sano Manjiro

chapter 14

Mikey opened the faucet on the bathtub as he started cleaning you up. He undressed you with an emotionless face. You thought he would snap but he's just silent.

He started scrubbing your body, you held his hand "I-I can do it myself, Mikey." You said but he glared at you. "I can smell a man on you." He said and scrubbed your body again, his expression darkened this time, his jaw were clenching.

"I just fucking told you to be careful but what happened?" He looked at you and gripped your chin. "Did I become too soft on you?" His grip made you grimace from pain.

"N-No... It's not that." You mumbled but his hand moved to your neck, he started wrapping his hand around it. "Y/n, is it wrong to be good to you?" He said and slightly choked you.

Your mouth hangs open as you gasp for air. "N-No, p-please stop Mikey, it h-hurts." You closed your eyes feeling his grip.

He harshly let you go so you opened your eyes to look at him. He brushed his hair upwards using his fingers. He looks so lost and like he's about to lose his mind.

You held his hand, "Mikey, I'm sorry." You said and kissed his knuckles. "I'm sorry." You repeated. But it's not because of what happened, it was for something to happen in the near future.

And as intuitive as Mikey is, he felt that something was wrong so he hugged you. "Y/n, why are you driving me crazy?" He murmured. You just sealed your lips tight as you listened to him. You returned his hug and caressed his hair. Your smell, it's sweet and addictive. You smiled at your thoughts.

"When you didn't come back I thought you left me. I thought that I'm gonna lose you too. I'm so tired of losing someone important in my life. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me anxious?" He continued and buried his face on your neck like a lost child.

You cupped Mikey's face, you gave him your sweetest smile. "If I ever leave, will you continue on living? Will you use that madness to stay alive? As long as you live even if you hate me, that's fine." You touched his eyes and he closed it.

You kissed his forehead, "You're lifeless and ruined but there is more to life than you can imagine. And I want you to experience that. Don't always blame yourself. Yes you may have lost some people who are important to you but look at the bigger picture. There are more people who still love you right? Who still cares for you." You smiled bitterly as you felt jealous because Mikey still has it all.

You caressed his cheeks and looked into his eyes. "I'm right, aren't I?" You asked him. Mikey looked down as he remembered all of his friends.

You hugged him tightly, "You just pushed them away." You whispered.

"I just want to protect them." He reasoned with a small and almost inaudible voice.

"If I were to leave you to protect you how would you feel?" You asked him.

"I'll hate it." He immediately answered and you just smiled at him and pointed his heart through his chest. "But deep inside you'll feel worried and worthless because you can't do anything." You said and he just bit his lower lip.

You messed up Mikey's hair, "Rest and think about it, Mikey. I can clean myself." You said and pulled away from the hug.

Mikey held your hand, "I'll help you." He insisted.

"No just-"

"No." He cut you off as stubborn as he could and it made you sigh.

"Fine." You said giving up.

Mikey helped you to clean up and after that he wrapped a towel around your body. Surprisingly he is just being a good boy who's tending on you sweetly. He laid you softly on the bed and he changed his pants and removed his shirt before laying beside you.

You hugged him and leaned your face on his chest. You felt him hugging you back that made you smile. His scent spreads all over you, his warmth and his hot breath that is coming in contact through your head.

Mikey's existence is your comfort, a feeling that you never completely feel because you lack emotion. All you know is cruelty and violence, you just studied how to copy other emotions but you never felt it yourself, it was because of Akihiko, your father.

There is a comfortable silence between the both of you. Mikey's caressing your hair.

"Mikey, if I were to leave what would you do?" You asked, breaking the silence.

"I'll kill you. I'll hunt you down and kill you." He seriously said and you chuckled that's so Mikey like.

"Will you be hurt?" You asked again and his hug on you tightened.

"I don't know." He replied.

"If I were to leave tomorrow what would you do?" You asked again and this time Mikey cupped your cheeks and made you face him.

"As if I'll let you. What kind of bullshit are you asking?" He said with a pissed expression on his handsome face.

You touched the dark circles under his eyes and smiled "I was just curious. Let's sleep now, don't worry I'll chase your nightmares away." You said with a smile on your face.

"How did you know?" He suspiciously asked.

"It's obvious. You still look tired after sleeping so there are only two reasons. One is having insomnia or having a continuous nightmare." You explained.

"You're quite smart and dangerous, y/n" he said and you just smiled innocently.

"I just care for you, Mikey. Now because I care for you mind telling me why are you having nightmares?" You just set aside his suspicion to satisfy your curiosity.

Mikey's face becomes unreadable as you look at his face. "It was... Just.." He mumbled like he couldn't form any words.

You just hugged him. "Nevermind what I said, let's just rest. It's been a really long day." You whispered and adjusted yourself to lean close to his face and his forehead.

You were about to close your eyes when he suddenly spoke.

"My brothers' death, my sister's death and my friends' death. They hunt me every night. They all say it's my fault. They are all bugging me. Sometimes I can hear them whisper to me and it's driving me mad." He said with a sad expression.

You just went silent as you listened to him.

"I missed them so much. There are many times that I just want a silent happy life with all of them. A life where we are all smiling without any worries but how could we do that if I'm like this? If I'm causing them harm? Why am I like this? Why does it have to be like this?" He murmured like he's losing it all so you cupped his face.

"Mikey. Look at me." You said as you tried to get his attention. He looked at you and your eyes met. His eyes held confusion, sadness, loneliness and his eyes didn't show any life. It was like you were facing a lifeless person who just wants to give up everything.

"You're not at fault. Is it you who killed them? No, right?" You said to snap him from his delusion.

You swiftly kissed his lips and when your eyes met again you smiled. "You make me happy. You are amazing just the way you are. Don't blame yourself for the things you never did, Mikey." You said.

"Why? Why are you saying this to me?" He asked, really confused.

"Because I love you, you made me feel love." You sincerely said. Because of Mikey you felt various emotions that you never knew you could feel.