My Unfortunate Fate

chapter 69

Do not confuse love with longing.

Today did not begin like any other day. When I woke, I realized I was in one of the healing chambers of the Jedi Temple. This was not the first time I'd woken up here—I've found myself here more times than I probably should have. My discipline is not exactly a safe one.

But this morning—or whatever time it was when I woke—was not like all those times.

Since the beginning of the war, whenever I ended up in the medical centre, Anakin has always been somewhere in the room. This time, he was not.

I was alone in a small cubicle of white and grey, under a thin sheet that served as a poor excuse for a blanket. About two minutes later, a nurse came in, asked me a few questions to determine my psychological fitness, tested my reflexes, etcetera. She was about to leave when she mentioned that I had a visitor waiting in the hall.

At the time, I hadn't said anything because I didn't know what to ask first. Who is it? Why didn't they come in? How long have they been waiting?

Who is it? I always circled back to that one.

As if she could sense my thoughts, the Mirilian nurse clarified that it was my husband. Well, she did not refer to him as that, but she did say General Anakin Skywalker, and that's all I remember.

I offered for her to tell him I was awake. I said I wouldn't mind some company.

She nodded and left.

Not a minute after that, Anakin himself stepped in and sat on my bed. He was careful not to touch me, but not stray too far away either. We didn't bother with introductions or good mornings; those were beyond us at this point.

I said, "Thank you for staying." I knew it was ridiculous to say that. I expect Anakin to be by my side at all times—good or bad.

I remember his little smile when he said, "You're welcome."

I sat up and cleared my throat, then took his hand and said, "You know I love you. I love you so much. There's nothing that could ever stop me from loving you." I rubbed his flesh knuckles softly, then his palm and fingers, to memorize every curve of his hand. "But what you did made me afraid." I looked up at him, still caressing the calloused pads of his fingers. "I don't want to be scared of you, Anakin. I want the exact opposite of that. When I'm with you, I'm safe. That's all I've ever wanted."

His eyes dropped and his nostrils flared as he took a deep breath. I watched his face patiently, anticipating his reply. "I'm sorry," he said, interlocking our fingers. "I—I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry. I'm just...I'm sorry for hurting you."

"I know you are," I said. "I know you. I know why you did that."

This made him look up and meet my eyes.

"You were trying to protect me, as always."

"How?" he breathed. "How can I do that? Protect you? How can I do that without hurting you even more?"

I sighed because I could feel my emotions about to pour out. "Well, this is a good start. Talking about it. We should have talked the night it happened. I was just too shocked to realize that."

"So should we...?" His eyes widened and his eyebrows raised.

"I woke up five minutes ago. I'm not conscious enough to do this," I chuckled. "Let's do this later, okay?" I held his hand close to my chest.

"Later," he echoed.

"Yeah, when I get discharged, I'll contact you and we'll meet at my place. Does that sound good?"