My Unfortunate Fate

chapter 94

To dream is to think. 

The room I stand in has high ceilings and a casket. Atop the casket sits a pile of paper. 

A sheet appears in my hand, and in the other, a pencil. I start to sketch the proportions of his face. I try to remember which way his eyes tilt and how his nose looks from the front. It takes time to draw, but eventually, I hold a piece of paper with something resembling a face on it. I write a message on the cheek and look up. 

The casket, black as a raven, births a shaft of light which extends to the ceiling. I look around the room at the work table, the bed, and the countertop. Then, I stand and bring my drawing to the casket. I place it on the lid beside a holo of my late husband.

*** 

The bedroom is dark. 

Small, distant lights shine through the cracks in the blinds. Unfortunately, Coruscant's moons aren't visible from this side of the Temple. They might give me some perspective. 

I half-rest my heavy eyelids, unable to sleep. My dreams have been more vivid lately; perhaps because my feelings are heightened. 

Semi-conscious, I realize I need to use the refresher. I escape our warm bed, slip into a pair of lounge pants I left on the floor, and leave the room to do my business. Once I'm done, I figure I might as well get some water. So I slowly creep into the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as I can so Anakin can sleep. 

However, as I turn off the tap, I notice my quarters' unusual silence. I listen for any sound, any indication that someone else is here. I hear no breathing—not even the slightest snore. An eerie feeling cascades over me, but I leave my half-empty glass on the counter and return to the bedroom. The bed appears empty and only my side of it is rumpled. I look down—Anakin's pants are gone. Why did I not notice this earlier? What is going on? I thought my dream was nothing more than that: a dream. But I fear something terrible has happened, something I wasn't even there to witness. 

Are you okay? I ask Anakin through our connection. I have no time for holotransmissions or comms, I need an answer now. 

I am, he responds. Why wouldn't I be? 

You left. I assumed something bad happened. 

I await his answer, slumped against the cold wall. 

Listen, I'm on my way back. I'll be home soon, okay? 

I sigh, the lump in my throat escaping in a long breath, only to form again. I try, to the best of my abilities, not to cry. 

Okay.

*** 

I watch the door obsessively, perched on the kitchen counter. When I hear the slightest noise, I leap off and make for the door, which opens as I reach it. Immediately, I hug Anakin's neck and nestle into his shoulder, as if another second apart will tear him from me. 

"Love, I haven't even closed the door yet," he mutters, yet his arms encircle me, one hand twitching to shut the sliding door. "Someone could've seen us." 

"So what?" I ask, loosening now that I know he will stay. We come face-to-face, and I wonder how I got the man with the most beautiful eyes in the galaxy to fall in love with me. "What can they hold against us, now that we're almost gone?" 

"I suppose you're right," my husband says softly. I press my head to his chest and his hand cradles the back of it, making me feel certain and secure. I like it when he does this. It's a subtle way of saying he wants me near to his heart, which is exactly where I want to be. My heart, on the other hand, aches with the words I must say next. Part of me doesn't want to know, but I need to.