Within these walls

Chapter 40

"Babe!! Come and sit," Jay called out while patting the couch.

I took my sweet time arranging the canisters that didn't need arranging before strolling to him.

"I am tired of the coldness in this house, I am tired of fighting, please Lee."

Instead of answering him, I crawled into his chest and just held him. To be honest, I was tired too. The tension and the silence have been so exhausting. I just wanted my baby back.

"I missed my period," I said after a long silence.

"Wait! What?" he asked, taking his head off from the top of mine and peering into my face.

"Please don't tell me you are pregnant. Subhanallah!! You can't be pregnant Salima, how did you let this happen?" he bombarded me with questions with panic all over his voice and face.

"How did I?" I asked him while raising my eyebrows.

"Can I make a baby alone?" what kind of question is that?

So, what everyone doesn't know is that we didn't freeze my eggs as planned. However, I got an IUD installed.

"I am just so confused. Did you take the test?" he asked quietly.

"I just said I missed my period o and you jumped the gun and concluded I was pregnant. I need you to relax, it is probably just my hormones, nothing serious."

"I don't think I can relax until you take the test and I am sure you are not pregnant. I will go get a test kit now," he stood up and reached for his keys.

Our life is such an irony. Where people are eager to be pregnant and some start trying from the moment they get married, we are doing the complete opposite. The consequences of our choices have us avoiding pregnancy like a plague. We are hoping for a bone marrow transplant soon and then we can start trying for babies.

The thing about the transplant is that it is so expensive, even though we are working on it, the dollar rate keeps climbing and It is so scary. Luckily for us, things are looking very promising at Jay's company, Alhamdulillah.

However, I don't think we can afford it now if we insist on paying for it by ourselves. AbdulJalal is so stubborn and doesn't want us to ask our parents for help, even though they have offered countless times.

He came back half an hour later with three pregnancy test kits.

"You know just one is enough, yeah?" I laughed.

I am trying to be the calm one here and it is not because I am not scared but because somebody has to hold us down. I am terrified of the test coming out as positive, I know we are not ready for the outcome. We will never forgive ourselves if we are pregnant especially if the child turns out to be SS.

"Just go and take the test babe," he pulled me up and held my hands towards the bedroom.

AbdulJalal didn't even give me space to pee on the stick, he sat in the toilet throughout the process, the few minutes required before you check the stick was long and excruciating. The alarm went off on his phone but we all remain where we were, everyone scared to check the result.

If this was a situation I was looking at from the outside, I would have been laughing so hard at how dramatic we were being, but this was us and that result would either make us or break us.

Hello everyone!!

First of all, I am so sorry. It has been 10 months since the last update and i can't imagine how frustrating my silence has been.

I want to say life has been happening but isn't life happening to all of us? To be honest, i feel like i should have stopped writing this book in the first part because that was so easy for me to write. Writing this second part has been so excruciating, i have the ending of the story in my head but the journey to the ending is what i don't have.

One of my goals is to make my writing as realistic as possible, being that i am not married, writing about married life is such a struggle, i don't want to pen down fairytales, i want to write uncut truths.

The point of my ramblings is to let you all know that i am so sorry, i am aware of you guys and i hope things get better for me on the journey of writing this book. I will finish this book, i just don't know when.

Meanwhile, if you are into podcasts, please check my podcast on Apple podcast or Spotify. It is called Chat with Sese. I am a little more consistent on there.

Thank you guys for being here and so patient, please don't forget to comment. That is my favorite part of Wattpad, reading your thoughts about the characters i created.

See you all soon.