NO REGRETS [l.laufeyson]

TWENTY FOUR

     Loki and Lyra continued their journey to the golden fields, it was getting dark and Loki decided he would find somewhere for them to stay the night. Before they could reach the inn, Lyra stopped in her tracks. Loki turned to where she was looking to see a small toy market.

"Did you want something from there?" Loki asked. "I'll get it for you."

Lyra's eyes lit up and she went running over to the stand. Loki sighed and trudged after her while she was busy looking at all the wooden toys and dolls. She seemed to be having trouble picking something.

"What about this one?" Loki questioned as he picked up a stuffed horse. It wasn't anything special, it's brown fabric was stuffed with cotton and it had black thread used as the mane and tail. Lyra smiled widely as she took it from her fathers hand and hugged it. Loki passed some coins over to the man and the two continued to the inn.

Lyra skipped through the town playing with her toy. Loki was surprised with how much his daughter took to the toy horse. She had plenty of toys at home, ones better crafted than the horse.

~

It was nighttime and after finding the inn, Lyra fell asleep quite quickly, her horse still in her arms. Loki however, couldn't fall asleep. He was staring at the ceiling above him, thinking off how his life had drastically turned upside down.

He used to be happy, and now he didn't know what happiness felt like. He looked beside him at his sleeping daughter and felt saddened that he ruined her life, he really wanted to be the father she deserved, but felt he couldn't do it alone, not without Evelyn.

Not long after drifting off to sleep, Loki felt small hands gripping his arm and shaking him. He stirred trying to ignore whatever was trying to wake him up but failed as his eyes fluttered open to meet Lyra's.

"What is it now?" Loki groggily asked, obviously annoyed.

"What's that?" Lyra whispered.

"What's what?" He asked again trying to shut his eyes.

"That?" Lyra pointed out the window and Loki's eyes followed her. His eyes widened at what Lyra was on about. Not believing it he stood up and made his way to the balcony, Lyra gripping the bottom of his shirt and following.

"I can't believe it..." Loki said breathless while admiring the sight. "Lyra, these are light orbs."

The last time Loki saw these light orbs was that night at the ball, the same night he knew he had fallen in love with Evelyn.

"They're pretty." Lyra gasped. Loki smiled sadly remembering the night with Evelyn, it was only the beginning of their adventure. He then remembered the story Erik told him all those years ago about how these orbs appeared the night Evelyn was sick as a child. He remembered how Erik told him that these appeared right before Frigga showed up and saved her. These light orbs represented the good things in life, Loki couldn't help but feel like his mother and Evelyn were there watching him, it warmed his heart knowing they were close.

"They're beautiful." Loki smiled while placing a hand on the top of Lyra's head. "Come on, back to bed."

Lyra nodded and ran back to bed while Loki lingered there a little longer before returning to bed himself.

~

Morning had arrived and Loki and Lyra had set out early to get to the Golden Fields. It was quiet and no one was around, just as Loki liked it. He sat alone while Lyra ran through the tall gold grass with her horse that Loki bought for her. Loki relived the memories of him as a child playing tag or hide and seek with Thor, while Frigga was standing off to the side watching her sons and smiling like the angel she was and Odin's deep rumbled laugh could be heard echoing across the field. Years later when Evelyn was pregnant, he brought her. He treated her to a day out to get her away from the palace life and the baby planning.

"Could you bring us both back here? As a family?" Evelyn asked with her hand on her swelling belly.

"Anything for you, my love." Loki chuckled as he closed the gap and kissed her. Evelyn deepened the kiss by wrapping her arms around his neck, keeping them there as they broke apart and resting her forehead on his.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

He promised to bring them here together, yet he could never do that.

Loki held his head in his hands trying to stop the tears from forcing their way out when he heard small footsteps approach him. He looked up to see Lyra next to him looking sad herself.

"Are you ready to go home now? It's getting late." Loki asked trying his best to hide the fact that he was on the verge of tears.

"I lost it..." Lyra spoke quietly.

"Lost what?"

"My toy."

~

Some time had passed and after helping Lyra look for her horse, they still couldn't find it.

"It's no use, we can't find it. I'm afraid we'll have to leave without it." Loki sighed.

"No!" Lyra shouted.

"Lyra. I'll buy you another toy, anything you like."

"No." She replied.

"I can't do anything about it, Lyra. I'll take you to a better toy market and you can chose-"

"No." Lyra said quietly. She hid her face away from her father but Loki could tell she was crying by her shoulders. He sighed and walked to the front of her where he knelt down.

"There's only one." She spoke again.

"What are you talking about? There was loads at that stall." Loki chuckled.

"But it's the one you chose and bought for me."

"What?"

"The first thing from my Papa." Lyra said making Loki gasp from that unexpected statement. He looked down feeling guilty from all these years of not being there. Not being a father. He was too busy drowning out his own sorrows, he didn't think of his own daughter who had no one.

"Lyra, did you enjoy this trip?" Loki asked looking down at his hands.

"Yes."

"Even if it was with me?" Loki said still refusing to look Lyra in the face.

"Because it was with you." Lyra sniffled. Loki looked up at that point into his daughters eyes, tears welling up in his own.

"I've been a bad father for many years, but I'll do my best from now on."

"Papa? Can I stay with you now?"

"You want to stay with me? Are you sure?" Loki asked and Lyra nodded.

"Is it all right not to hold it in anymore?" Lyra asked as Loki furrowed his eyes in confusion. "Thyra said, places to cry are in private when I'm on my own... or in Papa's arms."

Loki was taken back by this and it completely caught him off guard. He closed his eyes as he felt his heart break and tears trailed down his face. He opened his eyes to look at Lyra again to see she was struggling to hide her tears any longer. Loki nodded and held his arms out to invite Lyra in. Feeling drained from trying to hide her tears anymore, she fell into his arms for the first time and held on tight like she was scared he would disappear. She wailed and screamed, all those years of hiding her pain from not being with her father. Loki pulled her in closer to his chest, one hand on her small back and the other cradling her head. He allowed his tears to fall now as they streamed down his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."