All The Things You Said (gxg)

Middle School Years

As I got older, my confusion ran even deeper.

Do I like girls? There's no way. There's just no way I was made like this.

I was in no position to like girls.

It was like it was some kind of sick joke that I was even confused.

My parents were never particularly religious. Yes, all throughout my early elementary years I went to a Catholic school each Sunday. But my parents never went to Church except on holidays, and we only celebrated Christmas and Easter.

But they were Conservative. Republicans through and through, with traditional values.

I had heard my dad especially make off putting comments about gay people, calling them "fags" and whatnot. And if my mom found out someone was gay, like a celebrity- she would say, "what a waste."

She said that when it was rumored that Wentworth Miller from Prison Break was gay.

It wasn't legal for gay people to get married- and my parents fully agreed with this.

School was also hell for anyone that even gave off a gay vibe- especially the guys.

Middle school was hell, and people were cruel. In 7th grade, I saw Josh Killian shove Jake Prowman into his locker and call him a "faggot".

There was something though that caught my eye in seventh grade. And that was a show called "South of Nowhere."

It was on a channel called The N.

I knew of The N because Peyton would watch a show called Degrassi on it in the basement, and when I would come down and try to watch it with her, she would tell me I couldn't.

"Why?" I asked her, "I'm only one year younger than you."

She didn't really have a good answer for it, but she still shooed me away.

Peyton and I now went to the same school, she was a year above me. She ignored me at school. I learned quickly she was a popular girl- and I kept more to myself and my small group of friends.

When she would leave the basement, I would turn the N on.

And South of Nowhere became my little secret.

It was about a girl named Spencer, who moves to Los Angeles with her family, and befriends a bisexual girl named Ashley. I didn't even know being bisexual was a thing.

Spencer then realized she is gay- and has a relationship with Ashley.

I found myself savoring the screen time when Ashley was on TV.

But I kept telling myself it was just because her character was interesting. Nothing else.

There were plenty of times were I would have to immediately switch the show, if someone came down into the basement.

But my secret times watching South of Nowhere came to an end.

At dinner one night, my mom had an announcement.

"I want to let you know that we are blocking the N channel." she said.

My heart immediately started to pound.

Does she know?

But my mom turned to Peyton. "That Degrassi show you watch is inappropriate for someone your age."

"What?" Peyton exclaimed, "You can't take that show away from me! It's fine!"

"Wasn't an episode banned because a character got an abortion?" Drew quipped.