stuck on you. → ltm | ✓

16.

chapter sixteen: i don't care

IT'S MONDAY.

I'M dreading my decision, but I have to go.

At least, that's what I've been able to tell myself. I refuse to convince myself that feeling even slightly thrilled to see him again is okay.

Surprisingly, the door opens just as I raise my fist to knock and Taemin beckons me indoors, already leading the way.

This time around, we go to the place we usually use. He waits for me to walk in before shutting the door.

The lesson doesn't go as I pictured it to go. Instead of being cringy and awkward, it's interactive and like how it was before I stopped attending.

I silently give kudos to Taemin for it.

We spend only three hours, most of it being revision and advice on what I did wrong that made my G.P.A. drop so drastically. Overall, it was informative and helpful. Without turning a blind eye, I sort of missed our lessons and how interesting they were.

However, nothing good lasts forever. I was picking a movie when he called me by name.

"Is this about last week?" I ask, ready to run away again.

Fortunately for him, he quickly slides onto the couch in time, grabbing my shoulders to keep me equally planted in that spot.

"Yes. You can't keep running from your problems and expect them to fix themselves. Literally."

I sigh, knowing (deep, deep down) that he was right.

"What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for coming onto you like that."

I'm surprised by his apology, but fix myself when I catch myself gaping at him like a fish out of water. If only he knew that yes, while he kinda violated me, I needed that push. It confirmed my feelings and I'm not ready to lose what's right in front of me on a silver platter.

"It's okay. I'm sorry for running. We could've talked it out." I pause, debating with myself, but speaking anyway. "Did you- Did you mean what you said?"

He moves the hands on my shoulders and rests them on the couch instead, still somehow looking me in the eyes. It's almost impossible to hold eye contact as the golden hour is simultaneously approaching, striking golden rays of sunlight over his light, brown eyes and tan skin.

"More than I've meant anything in this world. Probably more than my own last name."

I smile a little at that and look away, focusing on the movie.

I picked, 'John Wick', throwing the 'it should be educational' rule completely out the window.

The rest of the evening is made up of me yelling at the screen  while Taemin's shrill screams filled the atmosphere. Even Taeyong joined in at some point. The movie finished, but we continued to converse afterwards, which changed the way I used to view him.

Sure, in school, he's an arrogant bully. But here, he's just like his brother- a calm, calculated, even bigger arrogant bully.

Eventually, nine o'clock comes and passes and I need to go home.

I decided to be a little kind, so I pass the cafe, planning to buy some doughnuts for Ten, my brothers and me to share as a late-night snack when I see him in there already. Curiosity getting the best of me, I choose to get the doughnuts that would take the longest- twenty minutes.

He's dressed in a large shirt and joggers, a black bucket hat shielding his face as he frequently and frantically checks his phone.

I send him a quick text and my last straw is drawn when he simply turns the screen off.

A good ten minutes pass before he moves, going to the back rooms. Using the restroom as an excuse to go there too, I leave my table.

I peer in and find-

-nobody. It's completely empty. Where did he go?

Actually needing to use the restroom, I stroll in, getting comfy in the last stall. I was ready to leave when I hear a familiar giggle. Peering through the gap, I feel my heart drop and a ball of rage replace it as my eyes water, my throat burns and the hands lazily placed by my side ball into fists.

It's Mia, sitting atop the sink area, obviously scantily clad. They aren't doing anything in particular, but with the way Ten's looking at her anyone would think their a couple. It's mortifying.

I feel hypocrytical, but there's no way this hasn't been happening behind my back. Yes, I have feelings for Taemin (ew), but apart from yesterday's debacle I haven't been actively chasing after him or meeting up with him in secret. So why? Why did he even get with me in the first place? What happened to liking me for four years?

I watch him with silent tears pouring down my cheeks like a hot waterfall as he leans in and lightly pecks her on the cheek. I almost instantly get a sense of deja vu and immediately feeling like throwing up.

I would, but it's at this moment that I start to think.

She's been picking on me since seventh grade. Back then, she'd only pulled my hair and insulted me in front of everyone.

Eighth grade, she'd cut it.

In ninth grade, she left me in a forest for dead.

Tenth, she gave my crush my journal.

Eleventh, she told everyone crude things I apparently said about our literature teacher. I was suspended.

Now, my boyfriend? Not today.

Rage fills me and I feel hot all over as my fists force my nails to dig into my palms, almost drawing blood.

Without any other thought, I burst out and lunge for her, slapping her right across the face. I slapped her so hard she fell over and onto the floor, crying out loudly as soon as I did.

But I don't care.

I pull her hair, kick and punch her and scratch her all while Ten begs me to stop, tears in his stupid eyes. It only increases my anger.

No. No more people using me, throwing me under the bus or walking all over my heart.

Ignoring my steering headache and nausea, I slap him with every lasting bit of energy in my body and I'm left breathing heavily.

I don't care that people stare at me as I leave, or that I walked in the rain at ten in the evening right after throwing my doughnuts in Ten's face.

I also don't care that as soon as Taemin opens his door, I fall right into his chest as he takes me to his bedroom.

I don't care. Not one bit.