Why Are We Here? (Red Vs Blue x Male OC)

S1 Episode 13: Human Peer Bonding

Blueflameknight: Previously on Red Vs Blue

Donut: "Groan" "Groan" Blegh!

Simmons: Basically we got our asses kicked by a freelancer

Callan: But we took care of her

Blueflameknight: Now onto the chapter

___________________________________________________________

We cut to the top of Blue Base where we see Tucker looking at Church confused

Tucker: Let me get this straight. You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?

Church: In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary

Caboose: I should have known. She didn't like me. Girls never like me.

Tucker: Caboose, I don't anybody likes you

Caboose then looks down

Caboose: I like me...

(Can we get a 🍪 for Caboose)

Tucker: I don't think I've seen a girl that mean before. Are you sure she's a chick? And not a guy? Or like....Part guy, part shark?

Church: I'm pretty sure I would know if Tex was a guy. And I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark.

Caboose: Wait, wait, wait....If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?

Church: Uh...Because she's from Texas. Trust me, it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault, to begin with

Tucker: Right. You should blame god. First, he makes hangovers, and now, half-woman, half-sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!

Church: Will you shut up with that? She got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic, where they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell.

Caboose: (Thoughtfully) A.I....What's the A stand for?

Church: Artificial

Caboose: What's the I-

Church: Intelligence

Caboose: Ohhhhhhhhh............What's the A again?

Church: Let's move on

Tucker: So...The military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer, but underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?

Church: Oh, hell no. She's always been a rotten bitch. It's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements

Tucker: Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there, buddy. She's a keeper.

Church: (Looks at Caboose) So how are you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?

Caboose: I think so. That guy Tex...Is really a robot...And you're his boyfriend. So that makes you....A gay robot

Church:........(Sarcastic) Yeah. That's right. I'm a gay robot

(Meanwhile: Red Base)