S1 Episode 15: How the Other Half Lives

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Blueflameknight: Previously on RvB

Callan: Sarge is dead because some blue shot him in the head!

Caboose: Sorry

Blueflameknight: Alright then, onto the chapter folks

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We cut to a grey version of Blood Gulch where we see Sarge standing in a hill confused

Sarge: (Echoing) Hello?

No responses

Sarge: I said hello! Hello? Is anybody out there?

We then see Church running up to him

Church: (Echoing) Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here.

Sarge: What is this place?

Church: Well, that's...Kinda hard to explain. Um...You were shot in the head, buddy. So, here ya are

Sarge: Am I dead?

Church: Are you dead? Well, yeah, that's how I ended up here

Sarge: Are you some kind angel?

Church: Haha, am I an angel? Uh, "Clears throat" Yeah, actually, I am. I'm an angel. Um, do you wanna go to Heaven? Cause it's, like, ten bucks to get in

Sarge: Well, I-I didn't really bring any-I mean, my wallet's back in the car

Church: Hey, you don't have it there, huh? Well, uh... that's too bad. Pretty crappy reason to be damned to Hell for an eternity.

Sarge: I don't remember dying

Church: Yeah, that's my fault too. I was...Sort of possessing your body at the time that you were shot. Sorry about that

Sarge: Hold on a second, that ain't fair

Church: Not fair? Yeah, join the frickin' club. I got shot by my own tank!

We then see Sheila aiming her cannon at Church

Sheila: "Target locked"

Church: (Looks at Sheila) Oh ha ha, very funny, Sheila. Shut up! You know, I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't say you could talk to me yet. Go over there. G-get- g-go over by the base. Shoo, shoo!

Sheila sadly lowers her cannon and drives away

(Meanwhile: In the Real World)

We then cut outside of Red Base where we see Callan, Grif, and Simmons stand over as the picture is distorted and weirdly wavy

Grif: Sarge! Don't give up on me soldier, do you hear me? I'm ordering you!

Callan: Grif he's dead! Sarge was shot in the head!

(Meanwhile: In The "Afterlife")

Sarge: Who is that? Who's there

Church: Looks like your guys are trying to save you

(Meanwhile: In the Real World)

We then see Grif giving Sarge CPR with his rifle

Grif: You gotta breathe, man! You gotta pull through! Come on, Sarge!

Callan: Grif! Stop! He's gone....He's gone

(Meanwhile: In The "Afterlife")

Sarge: That is not the way you were trained to do that, Private!

Church: He can't hear you

(Meanwhile: In the Real World)

Simmons: Grif, this isn't working. We have to try something else

Callan: Oh god Simmions you don't mean-

(Meanwhile: In The "Afterlife")

Church: If he gives you mouth to mouth, I'm leaving

(Meanwhile: In the Real World)

Simmons: Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth

Callan: I-Actually yeah go ahead Grif

(Meanwhile: In The "Afterlife")

Church: I'm leaving

Sarge: I can't believe how hard they're trying to save me

Church: Why wouldn't they? I mean, my team didn't, but why wouldn't yours?

Sarge: I thought they didn't like me

Church: Aw, don't sell yourself short. Don't even know you, and here I am about to guide you to Heaven for only five bucks.

Sarge: Hold on. If you're an angel, how come you ain't got no wings?

Church: Because nobody rang a bell. Ha ha ha, seriously do you have the money or don't you?

Sarge: Oh, I feel the worst about Grif. I always made fun of him. I never even told him...He was my son

Church: No way! The orange guy is your son?!

Sarge: Nah! I just wanted to screw with him one last time. But now I'll never get that chance. Besides, the son I would have is Callan. He's a good boy

(Meanwhile: In The Real World)

Grif: He's breathing! I saved Sarge!

Callan: What the fuck?! How?!

(Meanwhile: In The "Afterlife")

Sarge: I'm what?

Church: He's what?

Sarge: Well, I'll be a monkey's....They saved me

Church: What? No, come back! We need to even the sides!

Sarge: Thanks for your help, wingless angel fella! Will I remember any of this?

Church: Yes, but only if you give me two dollars!

(Meanwhile: In The Real World)

Sarge coughs as he gains consciousness. He slowly stands up in front of Callan, Grif, and Simmons and looks at them

Sarge: "Clears throat" What...What happened here?

Simmons: Sir, you got shot in the head, so we gave you CPR and saved you, sir

Callan: I'm still shocked that worked, and even if that worked, you would have brain damage or something

Sarge: I always believed in you, Simmons

Simmons: Uh, actually, it's Grif you should thank, sir. He did all the work

Sarge: Grif?

Simmons: Yes, sir

Sarge: (Looks at Grif) Grif...Why in Hell would you give somebody CPR for a bullet wound in the head!? That doesn't make a lick of sense

Grif: "Sigh" You're welcome, sir

Sarge: I mean it's all so damn inconsistent! What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe, rub my neck with aloe vera?

Callan: "Sighs in relief" Good to have you back Sarge

The screen then fades to black

THE END


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