Embracing The Sun (Not Edited)

Chapter 8

"I'm sorry if naistorbo kita. I just really need someone to talk to." Panimula ko. I called Clara, my best friend, to ask advice about what happened between me and Lucas the other day. Gulong-gulo na kasi ang utak ko.

(Ano ka ba! It's totally fine. I'm not busy. Wala akong client at trial today. So what happened?) I fed her the details. Simula sa pagkikita namin ni Lucas, noong nalaman ko na siya ang tumutulong sa orphanage at CEO na siya, at kung paano niya ako tanungin kung pwede ba kaming mag-usap na siyang tinanggihan ko naman kahapon. She's quiet for a while while I'm talking.

"So that's it." Pagtatapos ko ng kwento.

(Okay, that was crazy. Parang kahapon lang din siya ang topic natin. Kakakita ko pa lang sa kaniya kahapon! Tapos nagkita na agad kayo? Grabeng tadhana.) Yeah, fate is cruel. To me.

(But wait, what advice do you want me to tell you ba? As fas as I can remember, you told me that you refused to talk to him. E anong advice pa ang kailangan mo?) Ano pa nga bang advice ang kailangan ko kung iniwasan ko na siya kahapon?

"I feel like I'm getting there again. I'm not fooling myself anymore, Clara. I knew to myself that I still love him. At may parte sa puso ko na umaasang may patutunguhan pa kami. But every time that I'll see him, naaalala ko rin ang mga nangyari noon. I can't even tell if he's married or what. Or if he's just sorry to me because of what he did long ago." I explained.

"At isa pa, si Terrence. Iniisip ko na baka nasasaktan siya sa inaakto ko. But what can I do?" Rinig ko ang malakas na pagbuntong-hininga ni Clara. Nakaka-stress talaga 'tong nangyayari.

(Terrence is a great guy, Phina. And I think he understands you. Why can't you just trust him. Siguro naman ay lalayo siya o magsasabi siya kung nasasaktan na siya." Napatango ako kahit hindi naman ito makikita ng kaibigan ko. Maybe I'm just overthinking this whole situation.

"I hope so. I can't afford to lose the friendship I have with Terrence, Clara. Alam mo kung anong pinagdaanan ko at isa rin si Terrence sa mga naging sandalan ko. You're both there when I had my worst."

(I know that, girl. But you can't assure everything. And the only thing you can do is to do what is right and what will make you happy. Because in the end, your happiness matters the most. You decide for your own life.)

Clara is right. Ang mahalaga ay tama ang pasya ko. At dapat priority ko ang happiness ko. But what if my happiness will be someone's pain? Will be someone's misery? Can I afford to know that?

(I need to go. I hope you got the advice you're looking for. Text or tawag ka lang if you need something or kung kailangan mo ng kausap. I'm always here for you, girl. You choose your happiness. Ikaw naman. Sarili mo naman." I smiled and said goodbye to her.

Naliwanagan naman ako kahit papaano sa mga sinabi ni Clara. Simula pa lang ay alam ko naman kung sino ang mahal ko. Ayoko lang na may masaktan. Pero siguro hindi talaga 'yon mawawala ano? Habang nagmamahal tayo, nasasaktan rin tayo. Kasi parte 'yon ng pagmamahal.

Love is not complete without the pain, the trials, and the victory.

But even though it's part of our lives, it's hard to know that someone will get hurt. That someone will carry the pain in their hearts. At ang hirap din kung ikaw naman ang palaging nasasaktan. Na minsan nakakapagod din kung puro sakit 'yung nakukuha mo habang nagmamahal ka.

That's why it's complicated to love someone while also hating them because of what they did to you. You're torn between the love you're feeling towards them, and the pain they brought to you.