Unlocked (a Mormor Fanfic)

Post Reichenbach.

No.

It was all wrong.

IT WAS ALL WRONG!!!

Jim wasn't gone.

His Jim couldn't be gone.

Yet there he'd been, on the roof, eyes -his beautiful doe eyes- open, unblinking. Sebastian left as they went to take away the body. He couldn't do it.

He just...couldn't.

He went for a drink, and then another, and then another.

He woke up the next day and Jim was gone. He was still gone.

He was in a haze of drunkenness. He didn't know how long it had been. He slept around then one night, he used.
That was the start of it.

He started to use, to numb the pain. He lost all feeling.

For a while -he didn't know how long, he'd lost time a eon ago, he liked not feeling. Then, he started to panic. Pain had been the only constant of his life. He'd lost that too now.

Everyday (not that he knew what that even meant anymore) he'd look at a gun, or a knife, or the bleach, or the rope, or...or...or... But, he just couldn't do it. He could never do it. He hurt and he didn't all at the same time. He needed what he couldn't have. They were all gone. An. Zedd. Jim.

He'd lost himself. He too was gone. Sebastian.

One day, he just broke. He needed the pain. It was a carnal need to him. That day, he didn't use. In amidst the pain, his mind grasped one thing, he'd let them all down. They would be disgusted; She'd said not to loose himself or do anything stupid; Zedd said to be careful; Jim said no emotions. He made his decision. He needed to stop.

He went 'cold turkey'.
It wasn't the best way of doing it, in fact, it was often advised against, but he needed the pain. It kept him on his goal. It reminded him of what he wanted to do.

He did it. He managed to kick his habit and did what Jim would've wanted- he took over the web. As has been previously mentioned, he was very smart, he knew that it would've gone to meltdown in the month and a half (it hadn't felt that short, it had felt like a lifetime!) that he hadn't taken care of it. He doled out the necessary punishments and made sure that everyone was put firmly back in their place. He did the best he could, whilst also maintaining his original job as sniper- it became a sort of release for him.

He'd kept an eye on his family since that incident and instead of spending Christmas on his own, he spent it with Elizabeth, who hosted for Theo and David as well. There were two new ones, Veronica and Michael, who attended as well. They all briefly mentioned their father, who was still alive, and all their family in their prayers. They'd all been bought up strictly catholic and even though Sebastian didn't believe, he still made out as though he did, for their benefit.
He kept in touch with Lenni, occasionally employing her services when needed. He learnt of their familial relation, that he was her uncle, but he never learnt from who- nor did he want to.

To say he'd recovered would be the wrong phrase, as would to say that he'd moved on. Yes, he slept around, and yes, he was no longer using, yes, he was running the network but, he never forgot his Jim. How could he? Sebastian had bounced from one owner to the next; firstly his sister, who'd owned him and his loyalty as a mother; then Zedd, whilst not so prominent, Seb had been more than happy to let him own his loyalty as a brother; then Jim. His kitten, who'd owned him, his loyalty and his complete and utter love- his devotion and his heart.

Jim had given him a courtesy that Seb had always thought of but never actually enforced- he'd made Sebastian Moran disappear from paper. It wasn't the same as how An had done it, erasing Herself from everyone's minds, yet it was infinitely beautiful to Basher. It was now up to this tiger to step out of his captivity and fend for himself in a way he never had before.