This Is Me ( stud x fem )

Chapter 11 - My Heart

Ray
"Did I just say that?" I ask myself in my head. I did. I did. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I look in my rearview mirror and they bros are looking at Summer waiting on her reaction. I'm scared to look. I can't bear it. I can't. I've hurt her so much this week. I just met her and or mutual feelings are obvious. I know I'm tearing her down with every weird that I attempt to speak. I chose to stay quiet.
The next thing I know I'm being hit hard as fuck. She's hitting me over and over again, repeatedly. Her face is turning a little red and tears are falling. I can't deal. I can't. Looking at her, knowing I'm the cause for her pain is killing me inside.
"You. Mother. Fucking. Secret. Keeper!" Summer hits me between every word. Her licks are actually pretty solid. If she had to fight, she'd probable win. "I. Can't. Believe. You!"
The hits do hurt, but I take them. Why? Because I deserve them. It's my fault. It's all my fault.
When she's done, she's breathing heavy. Summer pushed all of her stray hair back.
"I couldn't..." I shake my head. "There's no way you would have felt the same about me." A burning sensation is placed upon my face.
Summer smacked me. "Look..." she starts, but she doesn't continue. "What do you have to do? Go get her? What's wrong?"
I look at Summer. "Summer, baby," I touch her shoulder, leaning into her face, hoping for a kiss. "I can't-"
"Ray." Summer puts her hand up. "Don't fucking touch me." She breathes out heavily. "Get in this seat. You can't drive. You look like you're in pain."
She's right. I am in pain. I took a serious ass whooping. To be fair, I was jumped by like six dudes from the Rival Gang for about twenty minutes straight. Most people can't even survive that.
We switch seats. She shimmies on top of me and I glide under her. In the midst of it, I grip her ass. Force of habit. I like ass! I'm a stud. What do you expect?
Summer shoots me a look. That look is a mixture of hate and sadness. "Hell no. This is sooo not the time."
I back off. She's in the driver's seat now, and I'm in the passengers seat.
Summer sighs and puts her head down as if she's soaking everything in. "Auuughhh!"
Now I'm annoyed. "Fuck! You know what? I'm sorry. I can't go back!"
"That's not the fucking problem Rayne!" she says not looking at me.
"THEN WHAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM?!" I yell.
"Don't go there with me," she says lowering her voice. "Do. Not."
"No!" I scream with my head throbbing. "I'M GOING THERE! WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?!... HUH??... WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY?"
"I WOULD'VE HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH YOUR STUPID ASS!" she screams.
It gets quiet.
The bros in the backseat are treating this argument like a Tyler Perry Movie.
"You... You love me?" I ask.
She's quiet and she puts her hand up, then places then in the wheel. "Your little girl," Summer says. "That's the obvious focus here." She cranks the car up. "Where am I driving?"
I sigh. I'll drop it for now. "Cedar Creek." My baby girl called me about ten minutes ago. She was so quiet. She was whispering.
FLASHBACK
I get a phone call. I look down and it's my babymama's, Christina's, house line. My daughter - Yes, my daughter - calls from that line. The name reads: Raylynn.
I look over at Summer. I don't want to tell Summer about Raylynn yet because I don't want her to leave me. I've already done so much to her and telling her about me being a drug dealer didn't help at all.
"Hello?" I answer.
There's shuffling in the background and I hear the faint sound of my daughter's voice.
"Baby?" I call. Of course I'm worried. My daughter is very outgoing, so normally she's excited to talk and is very loud. I could see why she'd be timid to call me. Her mom sort of banned me from taking to her! That's the day I was extremely upset and kicked Summer out of my house on a whim.
"Diddy?" she says in a low whisper. Yes, my baby says Diddy. She's only three. Don't judge.
I can barely hear her because Dee, Mo, and Jae talking they asses off. "Niggas, shut the fuck up!" I flush them a vision of the screen so that Summer doesn't see it. They see that it's Raylynn so it must be serious, and they shut the fuck up. "Yes, honey?"
There's a constant screaming between two people. One of them is obviously Christina. The other sounds like a man.
"Diddy... Diddy..." Raylynn is breathing hard as fuck. "Pwease, come get me, Diddy. That man touwched me in my pwivate aweas that yuw said nobody can touch and it huwts."
"WHAT?!" I scream. Oh hell no. I'm finna whip somebody's ass! Nobody fucks with what's mine. And that is repulsive. She's three!
"Diddy!" she whines. "Pwease?! I know Cwistiana says I can't tawk to yuw, but he was huwting me. I'm hiding in the cwoset. He gone now, tho. Can't you just take me and nobody gone know? Pwease. Come get me."
I nod. "Daddy's on her way." I'm panicking. I got to go. I go to now. But I got to tell Summer. "Pack your shit."
Raylynn's crying. "Diddy, I can't get my stuff. I can't move. It huwts. If I do, mama gone yell at me. And Diddy? I dont wanna come fow one day. I wanna come foweveww!"
"You're coming with Daddy," I assure her.
"Okay, Diddy. Bwyee!" She hangs up.
FLASHBACK OVER
By the time I'm done replaying what happened in my head, Summer is in the Cedar Creek neighborhood.
I point to the house.
Summer nods. I can't tell I'm hurting her, and I'm sorry. "She gone let you just take her?"
I nod.
Summer's eyes widen. "No, she's not. I wouldn't, at least." Summer reaches over and touches my cheek. I flinch. I know she cares. I know she does. "No offense, but you look like shit. She might be a bitch, but I doubt she likes you in gsng shit around her kid."
I sigh and lean back in the seat. "Ugh!" I smash the dashboard. "My baby can't stay here. Christina's boyfriend did - well, I dont know what the hell he did, but she say her private parts hurt."
It is obvious that Summer isn't used to me having a kid. She also has a ton of sadness in her eyes. It is so genuine. "Look..." Summer says as we're almost to the house. "I'm gonna get her. I'll just say I'm getting her for you... Okay?" We're in the driveway.
I smile. Somebody that loves my kid like I do. I love Summer. "Thanks, babe. I love you." She pauses at the 'I love you.' I lean in to kiss her.
She pulls back. "I'm still pissed the fuck off at you. This isn't for you," she says undoing her seatbelt. "This is for her." Summer opens the door. "That's the worse feeling ever - somebody you don't want touching you touches you? And you're in pain? It feels like shit. Might as well be rape. I know from experience." She closes the door and approaches the house.
Experience? Has Summer been raped?
I shake my head, pissing away that thought.
I love her. She loves my kid.
She's my heart.
My heart.