The Manhid & The Torpe (Complete)

Chapter Fifteen

"So saan mo balak magwork dito sa Pinas, anak?" Tanong sa'kin ni mama while eating our dinner.

It's almost a month simula nang magbalik-bayan ako. Sobrang na-miss ko ang lugar na ito and I know in my heart, I will always yearn to go back here. This is the place where I belong.

It's almost eleven years since umalis kami ni mama. Hindi ko pa noon alam na sinusundo na pala niya ako dito. She already processed my documents and filed a petition para doon na kami manirahan sa US. Doon ako nag-aral ng college sa tulong ng kapatid ni Mama na migrant roon at isang doktor.

"I'll be working at St. Didacus Clinic in a week Ma." Sagot ko.

"Ayaw mo talaga magtrabaho sa states ulit? You're a very good doctor anak, alam mo naman maliit ang kita dito." She insisted on going back to US again.

"Ma naman, wala pa tayong one month dito pinapabalik mo na ako? And alam mo naman na mas gusto ko dito 'di ba?" I gave her a smile. I know she can't force me to go back.

"Well what can I do? Basta, I'm always here for your plans, okay?"

"Thanks Ma."

Isa na akong licensed physician ngayon. Natupad ko na ang pangarap ko noon na maging isang doktor. Kahit mahirap mag-dissect ng patay at may Physics and Math, kinaya ko. I focused on my dream and career for the past years. Siya kaya? Natupad na kaya nya 'yung pangarap niya? Kumusta na kaya siya? Alam ko, hindi na niya ako naalala. Sa mga sinabi ko noon, magawa pa kaya niya akong maalala at mapatawad?

Ethan... miss na miss na kita. It's been eleven years at sa pagtagal ng panahon, gusto pa rin kita hanggang ngayon. O mas magandang sabihin na mahal na yata kita. I know it's ridiculous. Napakatagal na nating hindi nagkikita pero ikaw pa rin ang laman ng puso at isip ko. Everyday I struggle not to think about you, during my college days, or at work, o kahit sa ano pa mang mga okasyon at pangyayari sa buhay ko, you never left my mind. I wished you were by my side to comfort me on my downfalls and celebrate with my victories. I also hope I can do the same to you. You never knew how much I tried to stop myself from almost reaching you out. I regretted those words I've said long ago. I shouldn't have said that. Alam ko na nasaktan kita. Mga bata pa tayo noon at akala ko ay hindi totoo ang pagmamahal na sinasabi nila. Akala ko, hindi tayo pwede. Maraming babae 'yong nagkakagusto sa'yo at ayaw ko nang maki-agaw pa sa kanila. I was full of confidence na hindi ako mahuhulog sa isang katulad mo. But I was fooling myself. Kaya mas pinili ko na lumayo para maputol kung ano man itong nararamdaman ko noon. But as time passed by narealize kong mali pala ang mga akala ko. Masyado akong nagpaka-playing safe. I never dared to try and that was the most stupid thing I've done in my life --ignoring you. Ngayon, punung-puno ako ng panghihinayang. I guess this is a punishment.

Pero sabagay, hindi mo naman ako gusto katulad ng nararamdaman ko. Kaya siguro, I never let myself entertain that feeling, I was so afraid to get hurt. I don't want to experience their so-called heartbreak for a one-sided love. Nahiling ko na lang sana na ay magkita tayo muli at makahingi ako ng tawad sa'yo.