A Crack In The Glass (steddie with some Rickie)

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A/n: so uhhhh, be prepared to cry yall- IM SORRY ITS ONLY A LITTLE ANGST BC I CANT HANDLE IT BUT DW ITS GETS FLUFFY AGAIN SOON!!

Steve had still yet to explain to Eddie what in the world he was talking about on the phone, even as they were getting into the car after Eddie's show. eddie let out a huff as he fell into the passenger seat, sighing with a frustrated tone.

“What's wrong? I thought you did really well up there! Your voice is angelic!” Steve said to his huffing. Eddie brought his knees to his chest and hugged them out of anger. He gripped his pants in his fist and rested his forehead on his knees which poked through the rips in his jeans. His large lightning bolt earrings dangled as he felt his eyes become misty and warm. Steve pulled out of the parking lot, beginning his drive back to eddie's trailer.

“Ugh! God!” Eddie said, catching Steve off guard. “This is so stupid! Why do I even keep performing?” He said, talking through frustrated sobs. Steve reached over with a single hand and rested his hand on Eddie's knee. Tears ran through his eyeliner, leaving dark streaks down his cheeks as he sniffled.

“Hey, whoa.. You love your shows, no?” Steve asked, as Eddie continued to let out udder noises of sadness and pain. Not physical pain though, no. mental pain, emotional exhaustion.

“And I would love them so much more if there were people who actually- oh I dunno, showed up for them!?” Eddie snapped, making Steve startle and lift his hand a moment. Steve pulled into the nearest parking lot and stopped the car. Eddie looked up at steve.

“Sorry.. I didn't mean to yell at you.” Eddie apologizes, ruffling his bangs and grabbing Steve's hand.

“Love, I get you're angry and frustrated, but I need you to talk to me, ok?” Steve said, a calm voice which soothed Eddie a certain way no one else could.

“I’m just so… sick and tired of every show, looking into the empty space in front of the stage, seeing no one and on rare occasions, a single drunk person.” his eyes burned as another tear dropped, splatting into Steve's car seat. “It's like I'm doing it all for nothing, y'know? I don't even enjoy it anymore. It just feels routine.. Get ready, show up, practice, play, and leave.” Eddie explained, sighing. He stared out the windshield at the bright neon lights, even brighter because of the dark sky. 

Steve listened to every word his boyfriend had to say, hand in hand for support. “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Eddie asks, a bitter chuckle slipping through his lips as he finishes his sentence. “If no one sees me perform, do I even really exist?”

“Eds.” Steve says, making him look over. “The whole world doesn't need to know you for you to exist.” Steve replied. “I know you exist, you know you exist, and that  itself should be enough to confirm you exist. Am- am i not.. Good Enough?” he asks softly, looking down at their hands then back up. Eddie thought what his response would be for a moment.

“It isn't that you're  ‘not good enough’, it's that.. You already know me. You already know that my favorite colors are purple and red. You already know I own no pets. You know so much about me, there is nothing mysterious about me to you. I want someone to find my life mysterious. I want someone to ask what my favorite color is and if I own any pets, yknow?”

“I didn't know that, actually.” Steve replied, feeling a pang of hurt shoot through him. He realized at that moment that he didn't pay enough attention to small details like Eddie did to steve. He realized that physical love wouldn't be enough for Eddie to understand how much Steve valued him. Steve would never be enough. Steve swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to even his breathing back to a normal pace. The car had been silent for a good 30 seconds, the empty noises clawing at Steve's neck, strangling him. It's as if he really couldn't speak, that he couldn't breathe.