Never Again

Fears

A/N- The picture is probs the only happy thing about this chapter. (Also I'll probably do a song every chapter :) )

TW- Mentions of unaliving ones self

 ⚠VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED ⚠

We stay there on the ground for a little longer whilst I calm down. He stands up and the warmth of his touch is soon replaced with the cold air. He reaches his hand out towards me and I want to to hold it. But something in me doesn't allow me to and I ignore his kindness. His face saddens for a moment before immediately replacing it with a smile.

As I explore all the features on his face with my eyes I can't help but relax. Though I quickly stiffen as I hear the person I've been told to call mother, call out in a sicking sweet voice. The same voice I use to love and relax in. The same voice I use to strive to hear. All it does now is remind me of the mother I could of had.

Izuku takes hold of my hand and furrows his brows. The anger showing on every inch of his face. I squeeze before letting it go. I turn around towards the stupid hags voice. A breath escapes my lips and I clench my fist. I brace myself for the god awful words that I was going to breathe out.

"You damn nerd.. I don't need your help, I never have. Your obnoxious so just leave me the hell alone alright?" Uninvited tears form and I take one more glance. His face is consumed with shock and confusion. If I don't end this now, I never will.

"So whatever friendship thing we had or whatever. Is DONE."

I walk away not daring to turn back. I couldn't handle seeing him upset, and knowing that I'm the reason will forever haunt me. I look up at my mother who makes a sad face. But if you look closely you can see it in her eyes.

'I win!'

That's exactly what they say. And that is exactly what happened.

I let her win. I let her win her stupid game that I've been playing for years. All and everything that has ever happened.. Has been a game to her. I use to think I had a chance of winning, of earning her love. But I was mistaken. Because I was never going to win. And she full well knew that, and she used it against me.

I walk past her without a single glance, immediately going to my room. I slam the door and lock it. Suddenly the wave of reality hits me and I realize what I've done. I just ended the one real friendship I had. I just turned away the person whom I love. 

God I'm such an idiot.

Intrusive thoughts cloud my mind and I feel myself sinking deeper, and deeper into the hole I dug. But I don't try and climb out this time. I just let myself fall down into what feels like nothing. I can't even cry anymore it hurts so much. I blankly stare at a blood stain on my wall. My demons swarming me with insults and hate. I let it sink in that I've lost the only thing I care about. 

If only you were stronger

Your a worthless mistake

Oh look, you've messed up... AGAIN

Why can't you do anything right

He hates you now

Everyone hates you

They all hope you DIE

I let the thoughts get to me and wobbly stand up. I unlock the door and head into an all so familiar place. I twist the handle to the bathroom door and stumble in. I lock it and slowly turn my body.

As I turn around I'm met face to face with a boy. He looks horrible and tired. He has gross eye bags and blood shot eyes. His hair is too messy and he looks weak. "Disgusting" I murmur. I feel hatred for the boy. I hate him. He was so weak that he couldn't even gain his mothers love. He was so disgusting that she didn't even want to touch him. He was so repulsive that people steered clear from him. Only those who were scared would praise him. His bottled up emotions were too much for him and he couldn't handle it. So he resorted to the most familiar emotion..