Desire C.B

10

This is a double update! Read 9 first!

I don't want to go too deep in her relapse in fear of triggers. This series isn't about her addiction. It's about her and Colby. It's part of her. So I plan to kind of fast forward a bit through this. I don't want it to get too triggering and dark for the readers.

T/W: Talk of relapse, rehab etc. You know the drill by now

*Leighton's POV*

I woke up that next morning in my apartment, Gemma sobbing next to me.

Everything felt hazy.

I grabbed milk from the fridge so I didn't have to wait for it to thaw from the freezer, starting the process of preparing her bottle and warming.

I ate a banana whilst I waited, and once her bottle was done, I walked back to my room and got my breast pump situated before propping up my baby and feeding her her bottle.

I quickly googled if you had to pump and dump with weed, and I swear my eyes were going to fall out of my head with how wide they got

6 days to 6 weeks?!

God damnit.

I hope she likes formula.

Fuck.

I chucked my phone against my comforter, extremely thankful that Gabe decided to go over to Chase's tonight.

I don't even want to think about what he's going to say about this.

I let myself spiral and dwell on how stupid I was.

Alcohol would've been more worth it, and it might not have counted for fucking up, but here I went and had to majorly fuck up.

Fuck.

I hated myself.

I genuinely can't believe I did that.

Who the fuck let me do that?

Oh yeah. I slapped Sam.

God damnit!

Why is it when I'm lacking what I'm craving I get violent?

He said I wasn't a good mother, and maybe he's right.. but I didn't smoke around her.

I didn't.

She was fine.

She was asleep the whole time..

I need to apologize to him.. but how?

Gemma's crying got me out of my thoughts, wanting to be changed and burped.

Once she was all done and I got her on her tummy time mat, I checked my phone and a certain notification caught my attention,

Colby:

Hey, can we meet up? I'd like to talk

Fuck.

Now he wants to talk? He couldn't have wanted to talk three days ago?!

Fucking Colby.

Fuck him.

I quickly replied, placing my phone down so I could do laundry.

When and Where

Once my laundry was going, I saw Colby replied with

Park near your place?

which made my heart race.

I also contacted Elisabeth so I could figure out where I go from here.

I looked over at my baby girl, and I really didn't want to go down this road again.. but it made all these feelings go numb, and made me more relaxed.. but it's not healthy, and it isn't good for her.