A Dead-Risers Soulmate

Chapter 16

My POV

Was I angry at myself? Was I angry at him? Was I just angry? It was a question I asked myself every day as I tried to keep away from Enoch. I still loved him and that was what hurt the most. A few days after the whole 'Sam tried to kill everyone', Jake stood near me as Enoch broke down in tears, trying to apologize. Honestly? I forgave him the day he told me he didn't love me. I knew from the start he was under the influence of Sam's, right? I kept trying to tell myself that but the nightmares kept me scared. Was I being a bitch? I sighed, frustrated at the whole 'Life' concept. I didn't want to die, but I wasn't happy. So why wasn't Enoch and I living happily ever after? I was afraid of losing him again. I know...I know...But I am losing him. I lost him, so what's so different?

What if another person tried to bring harm to my family? If I let myself love Enoch, he would be a target. I wasn't too powerful, but I had juice. Val left shortly after everything settled saying he wanted a fresh start, we'd all miss him. Mrs. P let me turn Val's old room into a 'practice' area for me to meditate and to train my peculiarity. There wasn't much new to learn, but I didn't want to be weak. I could still see souls but I never needed to heal them, I could practice on Enoch's homunculi but...that wasn't an option. So I was back to emotions. I can see them so clearly now but it didn't matter. Everyone was the same, and I didn't need to read them to know. They were happy everyone made it out alive, but with me pushing Enoch away and Enoch being...Enoch. It felt just as empty without either of our laughter floating in the hallway.

But every night I'd stand outside staring into Enoch's room and watch him, my heart breaking as I saw what pushing him away did. Our...The flower on his windowsill as he tried to nurse it back to health. I watched every night as the colors faded slowly over time back to the grays, like when I first met him. Tonight was no different as I watched from afar the hot tears running down my face as he took down the flower from the windowsill. I collapsed to my knees as I softly sobbed. It's what I wanted...I'm protecting Enoch...

"Why do you torment yourself? It's obvious you still love him, my dear." I blinked and saw Mrs. P standing next to me with a cup of tea. Of course...

"I don't want to risk Enoch being hurt because of me. I will trade a lifetime of him eventually hating me before he risked himself for me." I watched as the lights went out.

"I see." Mrs. P pondered for a moment.

"So let me understand this right. You both fall madly in love with each other, never wanting anything to harm the other. A dangerous threat sneaks in and does its job. Enoch does what he has been doing since you two got together; protecting you at any cost. You do the same, nearly killing yourself. Am I getting it right so far?" She looked smugly at me and I sighed, standing up and nodding. "So now, because you saved him, you feel now the best course is to push him away. Which is doing the exact thing you didn't want to happen. Him getting hurt?" She raised her eyebrow, and I bit my lip, looking at the now dark room. I nodded slowly, understanding what she was saying.

"What do you recommend then, Mrs. P? I can't just go in there after all these months and say sorry,"

"You're a smart girl Elizabeth. I'm sure you'll think of something." Mrs. P winked before heading back inside.

I headed back inside and sighed. What could I do? I walked up slowly as visions of Enoch and I ran by with each step I took, getting closer to his door. I gulped, took a huge breath, and slowly opened the door, seeing the state of his room. He hasn't been making new creatures. None of these hearts are any good. I sighed and quietly went over to his bed to see him curled up with a stolen bottle of liquor in his hand. I'm so sorry, my love. I knelt, brushing the hair out of his face. Thankfully, I knew he was already a heavy sleeper, and adding the liquor he wouldn't wake for anything and so I started my plan.