Evenstar

9. Thoughts

(Credits to Soa☁️ @SyndromeofArt for the original watercolor study above)

"I like her," Se-Jun said as they headed out of the Kwan property.

"Hmm, would those boxes in the back have anything to do with that?" Taehyung asked his elated manager. Dae Eun had given each one of them a big heavy box which he presumed contained some of the harvest that they saw earlier.

"It might, but just a little bit." Se-Jun smiled at Do-Hyun on the driver's seat. "She seems really nice."

"Yes, she does." Taehyung looked out the window as they passed the big house on their right. He had a very nice afternoon here, the sight of the farm and the workers, and the joy of the harvest brought back many good memories for him. He felt a lightness inside that he hadn't felt for years, and he remembered the reason why he asked for this in the first place. He needed to heal, and his soul was searching for a way to recover from years and years of just hard work and performances. But the palatial home at his right reminded him that this was way over his head. This was a rich family, and he had come from a poor one. Yes, he could be considered a billionaire now but his roots would remain a part of his history, and many families would not overlook that.

They fell silent for the rest of the ride back to Seoul, lost in their own thoughts. Se-Jun was thinking of Taehyung's next schedules, and Do-Hyun on how happy his wife would be about the box he was bringing home. But Taehyung kept thinking of Dae Eun and what the future would hold. She was young and beautiful, although she didn't seem to realize it. He saw it right away in the way she carried herself. She was cheerful and sincerely happy in her element. She was also confident, and at the same time comfortable to talk with, as though they had known each other a long time. He liked the way she drove their pick-up and maneuvered the rough roads with ease, the way she spoke to their workers, the light in her eyes, and the way she smiled to hide her nervousness.

But would she like him?

He was more than ten years older. He was a K-Pop idol, a singer, an actor - none of the legitimate occupations that traditional families wanted or respected. He graduated from an online university. He was paid mostly because of the following he generated, and who knows how long that would last. He was beginning to feel gloomy as he evaluated his self worth in the eyes of those who were born with a silver spoon. He felt somehow that he amounted to nothing. She said he was handsome, but he had always wished he could be more than that. At almost 38 he was still trying to figure out who he was, or who he wanted to be. Could he be enough for her? His fans would probably find it hard to believe that he was thinking along these lines, since he always presented a confident exterior, but he had many insecurities and there were many things he was afraid of.

"What do you think, hyung, really?" Taehyung asked his manager.

Se-Jun was quiet for a moment, contemplating the answer. "I'm thinking about ARMY, how they'll react if they find out you have a girlfriend, or want to get married. You might lose your following, and they might bash Dae Eun. Are you ready for that?"

"I haven't thought that far," Taehyung replied honestly. It was another thing to consider. None of them had ever tested these waters, except maybe for Jungkook, whose cctv footage with his arms around a girl had been leaked to social media. The girl suffered badly with all the hate that the fans threw her way. She lost her job too. He had to make sure that never happened. Until he was absolutely certain, he had to keep this out of the limelight for as long as possible.

"If you're serious about this, it's best to start making plans on how we'll approach this situation and present it to the public. Unfortunately, and this may sound harsh, you don't belong to you."