Sufi | book 3

What i hate about hate

I just rediscovered dating myself yet again and this time I am marrying my self because unlike other numbskulls, I know my self like they back of my armpit.    I know what I like, hate, and triggers me and also have the same interest as I.     I can have good friends and workers hell they don't know every much to know me, I was a mystery to my mother for my first 13 years of my life.   What I do is keep other - friends and workers in hugging distance.... But stranger at a walking sticks distance.   Not because of ptsd or Asperger's as most people think but I am just naturally opposites to dating or marrying anyone that isn't me.    Something must know about autoromantic is that it's a valid orientation that is on the raise, there are article and book on it.  It is NOT a mental illness, personality disorder or narcissism.     It just  As nature as breathing and having with relations with other people....but instead your attracted to your self.   It is still love.  Just like gay, straight bi or what you d to be.   If you think this is a disorder of some sort let me tell you this..... I have emotions, empathy, and remorse....that and I don't kill not even mosquitos. 
There are idiots like my brother who says I am not natural or human, but the emotions I have are still human.   As I he is talking to an iPad or computer.  What the fuck..... I can proccesss info and feel for others too.
Another nitwit  was my mom tried the same shit and said that I was to fit in.....well fuck that shit.  I want no to be like everyone else instead everyone else is like an iPad or computer..... fun to hang out with but not to personable.  Why would I want to be cookie cuter.   I want to novel.....orginal and unique it talk my mother quite a few times and to be sworn at if was made to socialize with the brat across the street....nils.  That was his name.  Soon she got it to be full accepting.
I remeber my first ear expanders or gauges.....
"Take them out and be normal,"
Me: "fuck you"
Well that taught her valuables.   I am like Everest, the mountain I want to climb.....immovable, stubborn.   And I don't know how much toxic arguements we had some nearly resulting a trip to the er.  Because it was so toxic.   That was what got me to move out in the first first place.   The fucking drama.   Had I been still in Almonte, I would not know anything about me.
When I moved out I flourished....but still the bane of my excise, online dating.
I tell people who under the diversity of the human race about my special orientation.
As I said once before I I have gone through more religions then underwear or birthdays.  Once I look in to Korean Muslim on Facebook thinking I would find friends but instead ended up homophobia, like I ever excited islamophobia in my life.....no.  So what the hell.  I ended up writing up length report to Facebook that Korean Muslim was a hate group against lgbtqia.  But the hate group still stands on Facebook, cram.  Trying not to swear here.   It's unusual what people think is freedom and what ain't.  LGBT freedom, hate = not happy gong or a freedom of speech.
There is a difference between hatespeach  and I believe that people are all the same as I sang this hate groups show  more destructive and horrible things and it boils my blood these groups are still on Facebook what is the Korean Muslim and  more white power groups in driving so bonkers. It boils my blood because everyone is human everyone has the same damn organs are in the damn emotions and thoughts and feelings so let's just fucking I'm not in our website. I have mentioned this many times and it's like beating a dead horse and staying with my wife point is this say anything about this. That's just a statement you like a figure of speech meeting is just going to be annoying to us and with so I don't even bother.  I have been dealing with bullshit all my wife and trying to be a very good outspoken person OK but it's one of the point where I'm willing to face. And blue in the face I'll be because I'll keep talking about this because the stuff from noise that kind of stuff that cause PTSD and Asperger's or whatever other mental illness or disabilities there is it's always caused by hatred. And because of that I do not show and find out how to get anyone else because I know what it can do  to someone.     As I said it isn't covid to be worried about but hatred to your fellow human for what ever fucked up reason, religion or being brought up an asshole.
Al I know that religion and nurture go hand and hand when spreading hate.  It anyones the fuck of you.
I and many other good folk just want to be living a life and it's so fucking hatred to do so.   This disease of hatred had be stopped.
I look towards to pen pal groups and rap groups and modelling groups and astronomy group to help with my social media expiernce.  Instead making things worse I would my time on to be halfway decent and be a very positive experience instead of a negative experience of heard so many things about the Internet causing mental illness and self-esteem issues and I decided it's not gonna have to be that way if you let it that way I as I said I just look towards things like penpal groups and astronomy groups and things that are constructive instead of distructive  and distractive.  Some of my brothers thing that I am dependant on internet.....what hogwash.  I nearly disowned them on that assumption.  The only vice I said I have is books and coffee.
And there isn't enough books on Autoromance which pisses me off.   They have erotica and romance for every one else.  This why I am telling this segment of my life.   Because it was important to me just like PTSD that autoromantics need to feel validated.  It isn't like the horrible things like like bdsm and deviant shit.  I think there should be more books highlight autosexuality.  It isn't deviant or sick it's just you and your self.  I don't think that is a bad deal.  It's a lot better then being at the mercy of a boy or girlfriend.  As you can tell that I was burned too many times.   It's fuckiNo crippling to find an outside source for love.  This life style isn't for every one and i don't  know it will suit you.  I believe that it suits me that autosexuality.  
Your probably when set of this spark again between me and I. Will I was asleep and was touching breasts and then I felt the need to feel more of me and then kissed my self in the mirror.  Your proble what set of that spark.