Cruel Summer

CHAPTER 10

They said that to know one is to be one. In order to empathize with others you have to know what makes them as they are. You have to be them. What is the root cause of their action to be able to understand it in point of view.

Kahit paulit-ulit kong ipaalala sa sarili na hindi ko dapat husgahan ang iba dahil gano'n sila ay minsan nauubos ang pasensiya at pang-unawa ko. They could be victim of their community.

"They are crazy." Sabi ko nang makarating kami sa classroom. Pagalit kong ipinatong ang bag sa upuan ko. Nanatili akong nakatayo at pumamewang sa harap ni Chase.

Dahan-dahan siyang umupo. Kalmado at medyo nag-iingat sa galaw niya. He look at me with his calm face. "Tell me how you feel..."

"Galit." I answered immediately. I pace back and forth, trying to calm myself down.

Tinuro niya ang upuan ko. "Upo ka na, mataas na naman ang stress level mo."

Mabilis akong napalingon sa kaniya. I look at him, brows furrowed and eyes squinting.

He laughed at me then gestured the adjacent seat. "I'm sorry. Please sit already, I'm getting dizzy watching you."

Bumuntong hininga ako. Umupo ako sa tabi niya. "Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling ang kapal nang mukha nilang humarap pa sa maraming tao matapos nilang ipakalat ang dapat naman hindi..." Tumingin ako sa kaniya.

"I get that you are mad, because believe me, I am, but the society we live in has built and chose what to consider normal." He patted my back. "We're sorry for those who are constantly pressed by the society."

I somehow calm down on the way he speak. Totoo ang mga sinabi niya. Hindi ako ang nasa litrato pero alam ko ang magiging epekto no'n sa tao lalong lalo na sa babae.

She would be ridiculed by everyone around her. She would be labeled as slut, bitch and whore, terms to use to shame women for being sexually active.

I leaned on his shoulder.

"You can rant, and scream all your thoughts on me." He whispered when I got silent.

Nilingon ko siya, nabuhay na naman ang galit ko. "Kayo kasing mga lalaki bakit ba kahit dalawa naman ang ulo niyo hindi niyo parin naiisip na hindi porket binigay sa inyo ang aming 'virginity' entitled na kayo sa buong pagkatap namin." I quoted in air as I said virginity.

I believe that virginity is a social construct. Ginawa lang para i-identify ang babae.

"We give our all because we trusted you but in the end when you were done manipulating you turn against us and ruin everything you can." Bumuntong hininga ako.

"You know, I am really sorry for women, because they have been oppressed since we-don't-know-when, they have been deprived since then and even know. They still don't have the rights for their body."

"Akala ko pagtatanggol mo 'yang mga kabaro mo e. Kapag gan'on ang nangyari, ekis ka na."

Tumawa siya at hinawakan ang mga kamay ko. "I've read a lot of books. What are their use when I don't understand them, if I don't apply them on my life, bakit pa ako nagbasa."

"Yan, tama behaviour. And, and and, speaking of women right, don't you think that abortion should be legal?"

"Growing up in very religious family before I am deeply against it. It was already a baby, and if you terminated it, you are a murderer. I asked myself if was it still a murder even if it was a pregnancy product of rape. Palagi akong matagal na mapapaisip. I always weigh the hypothetical question. I always end up with yes, baby's a gift from God, but further reading about anatomy I've learned, the baby you were talking to is a fetus. Hindi pa baby."