11/17/20
It's not easy letting myself be me
Some days I feel so much it physically hurts
Other days I feel nothing at all
Some days I want to do something great for this world
But I don't want to be known
I fear being known
I'm a mess of contradictions
Most days I don't understand my own self
I know I'm very sensitive
But I'm also desensitized to loss
I wish I could be simple
I wish I could be easy to understand
But I'm not
But I also would never want to be anyone but myself
People make me angry
But I would dedicate my life to making the world a better place
Some days I fear my own mind
There's a darkness in me that I don't ever want anyone to see
But other days my mind is filled with amazing things and all I can do is create
Most people won't ever understand me
Most people won't be able to handle all of me
I'm learning to accept that
I'm all or nothing
I put all my energy into something or don't try at all
This affects every aspect of my life
Especially my social life
If I feel that you won't be able to handle all of me
I push you away because I can't do half-friendships
It's hard letting myself be authentically me
I feel like I have to conform to society
Something that I can't do
I feel most alone when surrounded by people
I'm not able to connect and open up to them like others can
I feel like an alien
Some days I'm okay with being alone
But I still long for a community
I want a place I can belong
Where I can just be me
But it's not easy
The world isn't made for a person like me
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts Collected
PoesiaA collection of poems written in my journal, and selected to be put here. The musings of a farmer and his life.
