Only you

Bonus chapter 2

This is months after Alex was born.

Alex wouldn't stop crying.

I rocked him, held him in my arms and tried to soothe him with words. I changed his diaper multiple times already and feed him, but he still squirmed and wailed. His cheeks red and I was fucking exhausted. My body felt weak and my arms hurt from holding him for so long.

This was my first night without Julian or Carina.

Julian was at the club taking care of things and I was here. A goddamn mess with my son in my arms crying. I couldn't even handle him alone for one night. Mothers did it alone all the time so why couldn't I?

My heart felt heavy at the sounds he was making.

Sergio was here because Julian wouldn't just leave us alone, but I yelled at him to leave because he was only making the situation worse. He was trying to help but he pushed my last buttons. I'm pretty sure he didn't leave leave I think he was just outside sitting on the porch because if he did leave Julian would kill him.

I've been sitting in the living room for the past hour, trying to rock him to sleep but he seemed to cry even more. "Come on Alex" I mumbled softly, my voice didn't even sound like mine. I didn't even know what day it was.

My eyes felt heavy, but who am I kidding everything felt heavy.

Another loud cry pierced the air and I stood up, "shh" I whispered, rubbing back but he again wanted to leave my arms.

I'm a bad mother. It's been more than a month and I was already failing.

I laid him down in his crib multiple times already to see if it would help him calm down, but his cries always got louder.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. My eyes started to water and then I was the one crying. Alex and I were both crying right now. I wiped my tears against my shirt and tried to keep it in, but I couldn't.

My emotions just came rushing out in form of tears and my heart was so emotionally overwhelmed.

I didn't even hear the front door open until I felt a warm hand get placed on my back, I jumped holding Alex tighter in my arms before I turned and sighed in relief when I saw it was Julian.

The sight of him and the warmth of his brown eyes calmed everything. But Alex was still crying and I was still crying. My hair was in a messy bun and I had one of Julian's shirts on that was stained with Alex's slobber.

All the guys were behind him and I looked down at Alex. Not able to look at them. How long had they been standing there? They probably all thought I was a horrible fucking mom right now. I couldn't even get my own son to stop crying.

I turned around on shaky legs, trying so hard not to fall. Julian touched my arm and turned me again. "Give him to me" he muttered, his tone was so soft it made me cry more.