Only you

Chapter 22 | Pain

I stared at myself a little too long in the foggy mirror as my hair dripped down my back. I scanned my arm seeing the bruises fade away slowly. I never remembered my bruises taking this long to heal, but it had already been a little more than a week and they were still there. Almost fully visible.

My body felt weak as I stared at them, remembering how his hands felt. How disgusting they felt against me. I hated him for making me feel like this. I hadn't even bothered to ask Julian what they did with all of them. Not that I'd seen him much this past week anyway or any of the boys for that matter. Though, when I last talked to Layla, she said that she felt like Alex, Mateo and Jose were getting a little too comfortable with them.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't avoiding all of them because I was. I jumped every time they touched me. I would see them all at least once a day, but they learned to keep their distance because they saw how I reacted when they were close by.

Every time one of them touched me it felt like their hands were his. Everyone's hands felt like his. Even though none of them were him, my mind told me otherwise, replaying only a glimpse of what he did but it was enough. My body told me to stay away from everyone.

Avoid getting hurt.

Avoid human contact because that was the best way to not break down and completely lose it. Shit, even when Layla would touch me I jumped.

I just needed time.

It's what I kept telling myself. It was what I would continue to tell myself. I didn't even know why I was reacting this way because I'd been through this already. This time he didn't even do anything except hit me a few times, but it was the thought of all that pain that resurfaced.

The thought of the sixteen-year-old that couldn't fight for herself because another man was hurting her again. The thought of how weak I had been and the helpless feeling that I could've ended up exactly like the sixteen-year-old I used to be, not able to stick up for herself. Letting him do whatever he wanted even though I didn't want to.

Because that's what pain does. It demands to be felt. It cuts you deep, making you bleed before it leaves only for it to come right back when you don't want it to. When you try so hard to ignore it, it just cuts you deeper.

A knock came at the door forcing me to shake off my thoughts and gather myself to let the cook in. I knew it was her instead of one of the boys because Julian made sure to have food delivered to me since I wouldn't go down and eat it there which I was grateful for. I opened the door, immediately being greeted with a warm smile and the smell of pancakes.

"Buongiorno Elisia," she beamed as she pushed the cart of food in.

She was the sweetest cook I'd ever met and, as an added bonus, all the food she made was good. Her cooking was so amazing that I might have to steal her away from Julian when we were finally done with this. I smiled as my anxiety eased up a little with how happy she was and the energy she gave off. She came to a stop in the middle of the room, turning around as she got something out of her front pocket. As she extended her hand out to me I noticed that she had pulled out a phone. I tilted my head in confusion.