Fresh Start, New Beginnings

Chapter 27

Abigail's POV

The only thing going through my mind as I am walking the streets of Milan is 'Abigail Jenson, what the fuck was that? What are you doing, you idiot'

It was too late for me to turn back now though, Ryan probably already thought I was mentally unhinged. I don't even know where it came from...well actually that was a lie hearing the words "I've pulled it off" sent shivers down my spine. Memories that I was more than happy to leave in the past.

I jumped at the sensation of my cellphone vibrating in my pocket, the message was from Ryan, another one 'Please don't do this xx' I had no idea what to say after my over reaction.

"He will understand if you talk to him" Leroy's voice had never been so welcome, he was always there for me regardless.

"I acted like a crazy person Leroy, what makes you think he will want to talk to me?" I reply as I stop to catch my breath, I had been marching forwards since the...well since the moment I probably scared off the only man I have felt comfortable with in like...forever.

"Oh I'm going to say maybe because he is over there" I turned around and realised Ryan has followed us.

"You told him which way we were going?" I must admit even though I feel annoyed with Leroy for telling Ryan, I am secretly pleased aswell.

"I'll leave you to it" Leroy smiled as he walked away from us.

"I'm sorry" I say lamely, I mean how can sorry even cover that reaction?

"Well I will give you one thing, you are a real pistol" Ryan says with a cheeky smile on his face "Seriously though, I have no idea what I said to offend you but I can promise you I didn't mean it in the way you think I did" why is he apologising to me, I'm the one who made a fool of myself.
"It's not your fault" I wasn't sure how to explain "I know it's not a great time to mention your ex but I feel I owe you an explantaion"

"Ok" Ryan seemed cautious.

"When me and Nick got to the end of our marriage, things had started to get bitter and twisted. Neither of us were the same person anymore...anyway we had this massive argument one night after a gig, a photographer for the New York Daily accused Nick of using me to help the Backstreet Boys reform and become popular again. He suggested Nick was using the miscarriage as a publicity trick" I hated telling Ryan dark things about my past but I knew he had to hear my reason, however stupid it may sound.

"So what happened?" Ryan had now gone from cautious to curious.

"I accused him of doing this and he was so pissed off her turned to me and said 'Yeah that's exactly what it was about, I have been using you for the last few months and up to now I have pulled it off perfectly' even though I knew deep down he didn't mean it. The fact he had said it shot my whole world to pieces"

"So it wasn't anything to do with me directly then?" Ryan now seemed relieved "That anger was directed at Nick"

"Yeah I guess" I smiled weakly "I'm sorry that makes it sound even worse"

"Nah its ok" Ryan's smiled melted me instantly "It just shows you can be human from time to time" he laughed as he put his hand on my arm and looked straight into my eyes "I told you I want you to talk to me about anything and everything"

"Yeah but don't you think it's abit soon for talks about exes?" I ask nervously, as I play with the button on my jacket .

"Remember what I said about time? And how I don't have alot of it to spare?" Ryan explained "I have learned over the years in this career that nothing is certain, I wake up in one continent and go to sleep in another, I don't have the luxury of dates so every spare minute I get I try and spend it with the people I love" I felt my eyes widen as he spoke. Was he telling me he loved me or was it just people in general?

"The people...what?" I repeat in pure shock as I continued to stare at him.

"I wasn't going to say anything in case you thought I was being stupid. But the thing is watching you walk away today made me feel sick, until Leroy called me and told me which way you were heading, I thought it was over" I lowered my head in disappointment as I carried on listening to Ryan "I know that some people fall in love gradually and others fall in love all at once...well I am one of those other people" my heart skipped a beat as I felt Ryan lift my head up with his fingers, I was now forced to look into his incredible eyes "I don't ever want to feel like that again, so that's why I am telling you how I feel about you. In the hope that you finally realise that the only thing I want out of a relationship with you...is you"

I could hardly speak, one minute I am reading him the riot act and the next I am standing there with my mouth gaping. I watch helplessly for a few moments as Ryan stares at me. I think he is hoping for a reply, but I can barely speak. There is only one thing I can do.

I take a deep breath and plunge myself forward, crashing my lips into his. His hands are suddenly at my waist pulling me closer to him, I can feel his heart pounding. He gently reaches up and touches my face, pulling away from me slowly "Now do you get it?" He was almost pleading with me "I want you for you, nothing else"

I am still speechless, I manage a nod before he moves forwards and kisses me again gently "Now come on let's go back to the hotel, it's freezing out here" he smiles as he takes my hand and leads me in the direction of the hotel. I can hear Leroy's footsteps walking behind, I quickly glance back just to make sure it's him and I see him smiling at me. Ryan loops his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him, kissing my temple as we walk "You Abigail Jenson are quite possibly the biggest challenge I have ever met and I couldn't love you more for it"

He said it again I thought to myself, was it really what he meant...Surely not...right?