Fresh Start, New Beginnings

Chapter 38

Ryan's POV
Dinner wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected, especially after Abigail had given me a warning earlier this morning. If I was honest they were very refreshing and watching Abi squirm at her Mom's questions was fun.

I had been laid awake in bed for the past hour and was currently debating whether to get up or not, I turned over and saw Abi sleeping next to me. She was wearing my shirt, I could tell she seemed restless. I decided to wait a while before getting up and I am glad I did. Abi had started to toss and turn in her sleep, it was like she was fighting something, or someone. I tried to wake her but she pushed me away and was calling out, before she shot up "Hey it's ok" I soothed but she cried out again and completely freaked out, fighting me and pushing me away "Abi! Baby it's ok it's me" I said as I grabbed her arms to calm her down. She finally opened her eyes and looked at me, tears streamed down her face and her body was trembling. I pulled her close to me and buried my face in her hair "It was just a dream" I whisper as she looks up at me. She sniffs trying to fight what's left of her tears.

"I'm sorry" she says gently.

"It's ok, it was just a dream baby" I reply as I look into her eyes "What was it about? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to"

"It was about him" Abi sniffed "Hendly, he was in the house. He came back for Freya"

"Baby he can't hurt you anymore" I tried to reassure her "He won't come anywhere near you ever again"

"Yeah and it's all my fault" her reply stunned me, I didn't expect her to blame herself.

"No" I find it hard to mask my horror "Look at me, none of this is your fault"

"He was just a sick kid and I took his life away from him" I couldn't get my head around what she was saying but i tried.

"And what about what he took from you huh?" I snapped a little more harshly than I should have "Abi you did nothing wrong, nothing excuses what he did to you?" I feel something inside me snap "He convinced himself you were in love with him, then he stalked you and broke into your house. If that's not enough he then drugged you and took advantage of you while you were unconscious" I regret my outburst when I hear her swallowing hard "He doesn't deserve your sympathy and I am damned if you think I am going to let you feel guilty about it"

"I know but..." Abigail surrendered to her tears, I can feel them burning my skin.

"But nothing" I look straight into her eyes again and wipe the tears away "You shouldn't be wasting these on him...Abigail Jenson you are the kindest, funniest, most beautiful woman I know and you deserve to be happy and to move on with your life"

"Ryan..." Damn it, she is trying to argue again.

"Look I know you blame yourself but you shouldn't, you did a good thing helping him. It isn't your fault he read it the way he did, you didn't lead him on and you never gave him any false hope. You couldn't have known what he was going to do, no-one could. His parents have no right blaming you for any of this and I swear to god if I hear anyone say otherwise then...well Let's just say they won't get to you without going through me first. I love you and will do whatever it takes to keep you safe"

"I love you too" Abigail smiles as she looks into my eyes, I wonder if she has actually taken in what I have said "I wish I had known you back then"

"Baby it's a good job you didn't" I exhale "Because Hendly would have been in a grave a long time ago if you had, I'm surprised Nick didn't do anything"

"Nick was hardly in a position to react" Abigail looked worried after she spoke, I couldn't help thinking maybe that had slipped out.

"What do you mean?" I asked hoping she wouldn't shut down.

"Nick blames himself for what happened" I just stared waiting for her to continue "The night Hendly broke into our house...well that was the night Nick cheated on me. The only reason he wasn't at home was because he was in someone else's bed"

"Shit" I pull Abigail closer to me, who in their right mind could need another woman when he had someone as amazing as Abi. I wanted to keep pushing the conversation because I got the impression she hadn't told me everything, I left it though. The last thing I wanted was for her to close up to me completely, I had never seen her open up like this before. But in a weird sort of way I was pleased she had. I remembered having a conversation with Tony about Abigail's trust issues. I secretly hoped this was her way of letting me in properly.

I laid awake for about another hour and just watched Abigail sleep, she was cuddled into my chest. I ran my hands up and down her back under her shirt, I traced her scar with my finger tips. Then I thought about how scared she must have been when she woke up and saw the blood on the bed sheets, my blood started to boil as I thought about how his family were defending him. My anger subsided when I felt Abi move slightly, she was still clinging to my torso. My hand was still on her back, I lifted my hand up to her hair and grabbed a handful. As it tangled between my fingers, I could feel my eyes getting heavier and heavier until I finally drifted off.

X-x-x

I wasn't really sure what time it was when I opened my eyes, but the sun had only just come up. I looked around and realised Abi wasn't next to me. I listened for a few minutes and that's when I heard it, the gentle music coming from down the hall. As I got up and pulled on my pants I continued to listen, I had heard this song so many times before it was Des'ree- I'm Kissing You. I followed the music out of the bedroom and that's when I realised, it was coming from Abi's dance studio.

Nothing could possibly compare me for what I was about to witness, Abi had told me so many times how beautiful and powerful dance could be, but I had never fully appreciated that until this moment. I was taken aback as I watched her, she was completely lost in the music and that in itself was incredible. Her body moved effortlessly around the floor, spinning, turning, flexing, jumping...I was pretty sure they all had proper names but I wasn't a dancer. For the first time in my whole life I had actually seen what music looked like, or what I imagine it would look like if you could see it.

The more I watched Abi the more engrossed I became, it was almost like I was being hypnotised. As she came to the end of the song I had goosebumps all over my body.

The music stopped and I realised I had to speak "WOW" not even that could cover it "I have never seen anyone dance like that" I try to put how I feel into words "You dance as effortlessly as I breathe" Abi smiled at me weakly "I mean it that was incredible"

"Thank you" she kissed my cheek, I could feel her gasping for breath "I hope I didn't wake you"

"No you didn't but I wish you had" I replied "I can't believe I nearly missed that" I had just about got over the shock "Are you ok?"

"Yeah" Abi nodded gently "I just wish I could switch off, I hate every aspect of my life being public" I can see tears in her eyes as she looks into mine.

"It doesn't have to be" I wipe them away and continue to look into them "when we first got together I said I would be your Safe Haven" I try to remind her of what I said at the start "I'm not saying come out of the limelight completely, your fans would never let you do that, but we don't have to give the press an all access pass to every part of our life's, just the bits we want them to see" I could see Abi was thinking about what I was saying "This relationship is and will always be about us, and only us" Abi tries to speak "Tell me what you are thinking?"

"I...I..." Abi sniffed "I don't want to be in another relationship where the fame becomes bigger than us, where we get so caught up in our careers we forget each other...I can't do that again"

The music is playing in a loop and as corny as it sounds, I'm kissing you couldn't have been a more perfect song to be playing right now "No matter what happens, I promise you nothing in my life will ever be bigger than you"

Abi didn't reply she just kissed me hard, I pushed her body against the wall and returned her kiss "I don't know why you came looking for me when you did, but I am glad you did. Because even though I didn't know it before You have made me realise that the one thing I have been missing my whole life, is you. I love you Ryan Tedder and I don't think I will ever be able to stop now"

"Good because I wouldn't want you too" I reply as I kiss her again, before pulling away gently "And just for the record I love you too"