IT'S PUNCTUATION, JIM. BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT.

CREDITS AND INTRODUCTION

THE CHRONICLES OF MYASSA VOLUME 2.2

IT'S PUNCTUATION, JIM, BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT

CO-WRITTEN BY:

RANTIN N. RAVEN-FAUX VI

Y. a. DuCk?

LYDA DZGOLDYNZSCHEYZES

EMANUELLA H. KRUIKEN-FEIST

JIM WILLIAMS

INTERROBANGS BY:

THE ARTIST WHO WAS FORMERLY KNOWN AS SIX

© 2017

JIM WILLIAMS

INTRODUCTION

VOLUME TWO OF THE CHRONICLES OF MYASSA, FLORIDA

Hey, everybodeeeeee! So, unlike Lyda in the first volume, I expected to write this intro. I deserve to write it! I'm finally acknowledged as a co-writer and contributor beginning with the newly remixed and remastered Chronicles. (Could this be my first big break?) So, I was credited for FOUR or FIVE or SIX (There are some twofers.) of the stories in this volume and authored several in this and the first volume without being credited! And I wrestle Lyda twice in this volume! (She's a proper lady when wrestling. She must have apologized a couple hundred times as she cheated.) (I begin to suspect that she is disingenuous and dissembling.) (I beat her down good in the press box at the political debate, but nobody caught it on camera. Unbelievable!) I qualify as an author now! Y.A. Duck? just writes down what The Mayor babbles and then tries to deflect any criticism by putting disclaimers at the end of the transcribed babbles. Don't believe it. Duck? writes all of The Mayor's babbles. The Mayor won't write anything because that's what he hired Duck? to do. Plus, Lyda refused to write another without being paid.

So, I got a lot of experiences as Myassa's first and only Lifestyle Correspondent/Critic that I can't wait for y'all (I'm trying to pick up southern.) to read! I did some sports lifestyle, academic lifestyle, political lifestyle, corporate shill lifestyle, employed lifestyle, unemployed lifestyle, news lifestyle, southern lifestyle, and redneck lifestyle for this volume. My major Professor at the College of Recreation, Anthropology, Archaeology, Computer, and Kinesthesthesological Sciences in Myassa, Florida (CRAACKS in Myassa) Department of Grammar says you can only write what you know about and I'm trying to cram as much stuff to know about as I can. I like to think of myself as becoming a journalistic Miss Marple, whose perfect understanding of her small town residents was extrapolated to the whole of humanity. Myassa is a small town, just like my hometown, South Body Slam, New Jersey, which is a bedroom community of Full Body Slam, NJ. Is that a coincidence? I think not!

So, I just love it here in Myassa. My peers at CRAACKS are all flakes and phonies. Southern rednecks are very nice, polite people who wish you well whenever you see them until you don't see them. There aren't even cell phones or cable here yet! My guy friends complain that they are unable to get online porn. (Boo hoo?) (The video rental store is stocked with 8-Tracks, Beta Max and laser disks, and my friends and I had never heard of them before. And we can't even Google it! And the computer store, Bytes of Myassa, sells apps on eight inch floppies and cassette tapes! And abacuses!) You know, with an eight to one ratio of women to men on campus, you'd think guys could find a date! And you girls! You outnumber them eight to one! How many of you does it take to overpower a guy! Just stop complaining at me! I'm not an advice column, I'm a future award winning, mud-slinging journalist! And I just got a topic for a breaking scandal! You stupid guys who won't go out with me are going to pay hell!

Oh, yeah. Read the book. You'll like it. I'm in it.

And, by the way, Lyda. I was paid to write this. Byeeeeee.

Emanuella H. Kruiken-Feist. Author, Lifestyle Correspondent/Critic, 2015 Myassa Founders Day winner of the Silver Booby Prize and three Golden Hemorrhoids.