In Britain, the day after Christmas is "Boxing Day", when all the upper class twits give their Christmas meal leftovers to the poor working stiffs and expect gratitude for allowing them to share in the lifestyle of the upper class a day late. Not to be outdone, The Mayor has declared January 2nd "Rasslin Day". People who didn't drink all of their adult beverages on New Year's Eve and Day will open their homes to give neighbors the opportunity to finish what's left in all those bottles, glasses, cans, steins, dixie cups, punch bowls, bathtubs, stills, closed-toed stilettos, coolers, wash tubs, refrigerators, boots, wine cellars, ponies, kegs, barrels, garbage bins, whatever has been used to contain said adult beverages. Home owners are requested to remove all cigarette butts to reduce toxicity.
For those who fear that their neighbors may sack their homes, The Mayor is willingly opening up his home to receive the donations from residents who won't be home or don't want to have all their scraggly neighbors ransacking their residences. Please leave your donations at The Mayor's home, in the drop box behind the Myassa Liquors Bar & Grill / Myassa Town Hall Building.
The Mayor expects to need a sumptuous supply to get him through the bowl games. He will need it to forget how much money he loses. He thanks his donors.
For non Merkins, "bowl games" take up much of the productive time of the Merkin working class in the days and nights surrounding New Year's Day. It is the richest post-season football stadiums which annually have all the "top" ranked collegiate teams and pass around the honor of sharing the great mythological National Championship. (Annually, this costs as much as the London Olympics and actually profits from it.) For those to whom "football" means a game legally bet on and played with a smooth spherical ball which must be kicked aimlessly around an enclosed pasture which is watched by drunken hooligans peeing on the drunken hooligans in front of them, by "football" we mean the Merkin game played with a stitched leather egg which is thrown or carried aimlessly around an enclosed pasture and is in contact with a player's foot about once every 20 minutes. The main differences between spectators of the two games is that Merkin football hooligans have access to restrooms. And you're not supposed to gamble on them under penalty of law. (Correction: one may now bet on virtually anything, including amateur athletes. Also, amateur athletes have been re-redefined to be paid. The original Modern Olympic professional athletes were defined as amateurs.)
And that's the news from Myassa, where all men have one visible tooth, all the women open carry, and all the children look remarkably like The Mayor.
DISCLAIMER:
I swear that I am not responsible for anything written above because I just write what my boss, The Mayor, tells me to.
Y.A. Duck?
MAYOR PROMOTES CHARITY DRIVE
Protect the young ladies in the picture from the evils of liquor. Please generously donate your alcoholic beverages to The Mayor or they may break into your homes. Avoid the rush and donate before New Year's Eve.
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IT'S PUNCTUATION, JIM. BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT.
HumorThe stories here are not presented chronologically. Myassa is not chronological, nor is it particularly geographical, just "north Florida". You can't touch it but you can taste it. It's nowhere but you can always get there from here. You never see i...
