This is Not the Last of Us

Chapter 36

When they got to the theater, Ellie knocked on the doors. Her girlfriend was a shaking mess against her. Her girlfriend kept clenching and unclenching her fists in an attempt to relieve the panic. Ellie squeezed her free hand as they waited.

Dina opened the door and smiled brightly at the both of them, Jesse standing behind her.

"You're back." Dina said and then realized the depressed look on both of their faces. "Are you two... okay?"

They both looked at Dina, and Ellie's girlfriend broke first, "I'd like to go to bed."

"Christ, is that blood yours?" Jesse whispered while looking at both of them.

"No," Ellie whispered and shook her head, "No... it's not."

Ellie's girlfriend pulled out her map, and the other three watched at how badly the paper shook in her grip. Her eyes were wide and on high alert. Her breaths were coming out much too shaky. She was definitely going through shock and just trying to fight through it.

"She's most likely... Abby is...," she began and swallowed, "Most likely at this aquarium."

"Okay." Dina whispered in a comforting tone.

Ellie gingerly took the map and handed it to Dina. Her girlfriend's hand was still positioned like she was still holding the map, she was even pointing in the same spot. Ellie gently took her hand and began leading her away.

"I'm going to get her cleaned up, and then we're going to turn in. We'll discuss the game plan tomorrow."

"Right. Do you want help?" Dina asked politely.

"No, I don't think she would want that right now." Ellie said softly, "Thank you, though."

The second Ellie's girlfriend sat down, she started to shake and heave. Ellie wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly.

"Let it out," she whispered, "I'm here."

Her girlfriend whimpered and buried herself further into Ellie. She was desperate for some warmth or comfort. Something.

Ellie waited to patch their wounds. Letting her girlfriend sob into her shirt until it was soaked with snot, bood, and tears. She sobbed out words of apology, not to Ellie, but to Nora. Called herself a monster in little gasps. Elllie held her closer, as if she was trying to meld the two girls together. Thinking that maybe something like that would bring her comfort.

Ellie's girlfriend looked up at Ellie and Ellie cupped one of her cheeks, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I could have left her to die there."

"She didn't deserve that level of peace."

"And why do we get to decide that? What are we becoming, Ellie?"

Ellie hesitated, her eyebrows formed a tightly knit crease in her forehead and she swallowed, "I don't know."

"I can't keep doing this," her girlfriend whispered, "I felt her cave underneath the pipe. It's like David–."

Ellie stared at her and rubbed her cheek again, it was the only thing she could really think to do, "You needed retribution. Nora had it coming."

"What if someone had done that to me? Would you think the same?"

"No." Ellie said without hesitation, "Because you're a good person."

"What differentiates us?"

Ellie smiled at her and kissed her forehead, "You're crying for someone that killed Joel, firstly. Secondly, you love everyone and treat everyone like humans. You have a hard time killing because of it. The guilt you feel... I don't feel it for a second. If anything, I'm the monster here."

"You're not a monster, Ellie." Her girlfriend whispered.

"Then neither are you." Ellie settled.

Her girlfriend swallowed with watery eyes, "I can't do something like that again, Ellie."

"I'll handle it from now on, okay? Will you stay with me, even if I do?"

Her girlfriend looked up at her and smiled, "I'd stay with you even if you were the one who blew up this shitty city."

Ellie laughed and kissed her girlfriend fully. "I'll make sure to nuke it then. Fuck Seattle."

"Fuck Seattle." Her girlfriend agreed.

The next hour was spent patching one another up. Ellie had pulled off her shirt and bra so her girlfriend could clean out every wound on her body. There were so many; from the first arrow to the last stray bullet. Ellie looked at her girlfriend's work in the mirrors on the walls. There was so much tenderness in her eyes when she treated Ellie. She had always seen it in her eyes, but Ellie thought she looked at everyone the same for the longest time. But this was different, there was an unspoken I love you in her eyes. The looks that others got were kind, but not this tender.

It made Ellie feel special.

Her girlfriend worked slowly to avoid hurting Ellie, and to properly patch the wounds. Ellie locked eyes with her in the mirror and offered her a tiny smile. Her girlfriend looked at her quietly before she finally offered another smile back. It was light, lacking any of the realness her smiles usually held.

She walked around Ellie and crouched in front of her. Using a small bin filled with rain water to clean off Ellie's face. It was bloody and covered in sweat and dirt. The tenderness that she moved the rag around Ellie's face brought them both some comfort. When Ellie was cleaned up, she dressed and had her girlfriend do the same.

She patched her up, head to toe just the same. And moved to wipe her face off just as tenderly.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" Ellie asked softly.

Her girlfriend smiled shyly and covered her chest, "Thank you."

"I've never seen you naked before. It's pretty hot." Ellie said with a playful smile.

"Ellie." Her girlfriend giggled and shook her head. "Please, I'm practically meat and bones."

"The sexiest pile of meat and bones I've ever encountered." Ellie responded and kissed her collar bone.

Ellie thought about pushing further, but she decided against it. Now wasn't the time for something like that. She helped her girlfriend get dressed again and they shared a look.

"Let's go to bed," Ellie said, "You're going to sleep through the whole night tonight. You're not allowed to get off a single inch of the couch."

"I think I like the sound of that." Her girlfriend whispered and leaned closer to Ellie.

The kiss she initiated was somehow the most electric one they'd shared to date. It had Ellie shivering and silently pleading for something more. Her hands trailed to her girlfriend's waist, wanting to convince her to do something more. It didn't matter who would hear– Ellie really wanted something.

Her girlfriend pulled away from the heavy kisses and swallowed. She seemed to have surprised herself by the sudden behavior.

"I– uh– I'm sorry, Ellie. I don't know what just came over me."

Ellie stared at her with glazed over eyes and swallowed, trying to fight down the hormonal urges that came with this.

"You're fine, we're cool. Wanna just go to bed?"

"Yes, I... I would really like to. I'm pretty exhausted, honestly."