That Feeling [COMPLETED]

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Happiness was instantly replaced by pain.

“Bettina, hindi ka man lang nagpaalam sa amin ng Mommy mo! Gan'yan ka ba lagi kapag wala kami, ha?!” Daddy madly said.

How? They can't even reply to my simple good morning text. They never cared, they never knew that I am hurting the way they treat me. I am their child, not their client.

“Sorry po, Dad,” mahina kong sabi.

I know I was wrong. I just want to have fun, I just wanted to forget what happened last night. Don't they want me to be happy?

“Mga lalaki pa ang mga kasama mo!”

Napapikit ako sa sobrang lakas ng boses ni Dad. I never witness him mad, ngayon lang.

“Nagpaalam po ako kay Manang, Dad-”

“Sino ba ang magulang mo, Bettina?!” Dad shouted which made me jump in surprise.

Tears cropped up in my eyes. I was used to being ignored, them not minding what I do. Is this the way he cares? Bakit ang sakit.

Hindi ako nagsalita at yumuko nalang. I burst into tears accepting his words. I never cried in front of them but now I let my tears show them that I'm hurting too.

I heard him heavily sigh.

“You are disappointing me, Bela,” he said and left.

Mas napaiyak ako lalo sa narinig ko. How can he simply say that? Disappointment ba ako sa waning in nila? How? Ginawa ko naman lahat for them to be proud but they never appreciate my achievements. Mga mali ko lang ang nakikita nila.

Crying, I ran towards my room. I know there is something wrong. They don't like me, I am only a disappointment to them.

Minsan naisip ko na siguro ampon lang ako kasi ni minsan hindi ko maramdaman ang pagmamahal ng magulang. Mabuti nga kung gano'n, magiging masaya pa ako kung alam kong ampon lang ako kasi maiintindihan ko sila kung hindi nila ako kayang bigyan ng oras, magpapasalamat pa ako dahil binigyan nila ako ng pamilya.

Pero hindi eh, kamukhang kamukha ko si Mommy. I'm not an orphan or an illegitimate child. I'm their child who has been neglected by them. A daughter who has been longing for the love of her parents.

Pinahid ko ang luha ko ng bumukas ang pinto. Tinakpan ko aking mga mata gamit ang kanan kong braso. Hindi naman ito bago kay Manang, lagi niya naman akong nahuhuling umiiyak. Crying became my hobby every time I have a chance to dine with my parents.

“Bettina, may dala akong gatas,” Manang softly said.

Narinig kong may nilapag siya sa bedside table ko pero hindi ako nagsalita.

“Tahan na, Bettina. 'Wag kang mag-isip ng kung ano, sinasaktan mo lang ang 'yong sarili,” mahinang saad ni Manang Sally.

Tumulo ang luhang pilit kong pinipigilan.

Umupo siya sa gilid ng kama ko kaya inunan ko aking ulo sa kaniyang binti.

“Manang, they love me, right?” I whispered.

“Walang magulang ang hindi mahal ang anak, Bettina,” she answered as she comb my hair using her hands.

“H-hindi ko maramdaman, Manang,” humikbi ako.

Sanay naman na ako pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang sariling masaktan. Lagi nalang akong nabibigo sa tuwing umaasa ako.

“Mahal ka nila, Bettina. Marami lang silang ginagawa at para sa kinabukasan mo ang lahat ng 'yon. Tahan na.”