That Feeling [COMPLETED]

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

When I got home, my things are already inside the car. I don't know if it's my father's or mother's driver, well, I don't really care anymore. All I want is to leave.

Hinanda ko na kagabi ang mga gamit na daldalhin ko, I've planned everything.

"Sigurado ka ba dito, Bettina? Gusto mo, samahan kita?" for a million times, Manang asked again.

"'Wag kang mag-alala, Manang, I'll be fine po," I hugged her to bid her goodbye.

"Basta tumawag ka kung kailangan mo ako, hmm?" she said teary-eyed, kinalas namin ang yakapan.

"Opo, Manang. I will," malungkot niya akong nginitian and I smiled timidly at her in return before I came inside the car.

I will definitely miss Manang. Even if I didn't remember any memories with my parents in the house where I grow up, I will still miss it. It's the place where I grow up, however, I will always remember the hopeful girl, sitting in the backyard waiting for her parents to come.

"Ihinto niyo muna po ang sasakyan, Kuya," I ordered as I stare at the house that I treated as my second home.

Nang tumigil ang sasakyan ay bumaba na ako. Pinindot ko ang doorbell at ilang sandali pa'y lumabas si Tita Sarah.

I genuinely smiled at her when she opened the gate.

"Bela!" Tita shouted and hugged me.

"Hello po, Tita," I responded still smiling at her.

"Tara, iha, pasok tayo sa bahay," hinila niya ako papasok ng bahay nila.

Pinaupo niya ako sa sofa ng kanilang sala bago nagpaalam para kumuha ng merienda.

Ginala ko ang aking paningin sa sala, I will miss this, I will miss them.

"How are you, Bela? I told Atticus to invite you here but he never did, " bungad ni Tita nang makabalik siya.

Nilapag niya pagkain sa table at tumabi sa'kin sa sofa.

"I'm here po para magpaalam," I said and she was confused.

“Aalis ka, anak? Saan ka magbabakasyon? Kailan ka uuwi? Nako mamimiss ka ni Atticus n'yan,” sunod-sunod niyang tanong.

I sadly smiled at her. Mamimiss niya kaya ako? I'm still here but I think he already forgets me.

“Hindi po, Tita. Aalis po ako and I don't know when will I come back po... o kung uuwi pa ba ako,” I answered.

“W-why? Do Atticus know this, anak?” Inilingan ko siya.

“I don't need to tell him po. W-wala na po, Tita,” I told her and I can see the sadness in her eyes.

“I'm sorry, anak,” she said and hugged me. Yinakap ko siya pabalik. I will miss her, so much.

“I don't know what happened, anak. Hindi rin ako masyadong kinakausap ni Atticus,” she told.

Hindi ako nagsalita at nanatili pa ring nakayakap sa kan'ya. Ang sakit magpaalam.

“Maraming salamat po sa lahat-lahat, Tita Sandra. Thank you isn't enough to express how appreciate you po,” I cried.

“You are my daughter, Bela. When we see each other in the future, kausapin mo pa rin ako, hmm? Hindi ibig sabihin na wala na kayo ni Atticus ay kakalimutan mo na rin ako. Mananatili kang anak ko,” I sobbed when I heard what she said.

Kinalas niya ang yakapan namin. Hinarap niya ako at malungkot na nginitian. Pinahid niya ang mga luha sa pisngi ko at hinalikan ang aking noo. I close my eyes, bakit ang sakit?

“T-thank you po.”

"Mag-ingat ka, ha?” she said smiling at me and I nodded.

Hindi na ako nagpahatid kay Tita Sandra palabas ng kanilang bahay. Ayoko, tama na 'yong nakapag-paalam na ako. I attached my feelings deeply to her.

Pagkabukas ko ng pinto ay tumambad ang mukha ni Atticus. Nagkatitigan kaming dalawa. I stared at his face, he looks sleepless yet still handsome. Gusto ko siyang titigan ng matagal, gusto kong punan ang mga araw na hindi ko siya makita at sauluhin ang mukha niya, babaunin ko sa aking pag alis.

My heart crashed when he turned his back. This should be the third time but I won't allow it.

“S-stop,” I stuttered.

Nang tumigil siya sa paglalakad ay inunahan ko siya. When I was three steps away from him, hinarap ko siya. I smiled and I got no reaction from him.

“This time, I won't let you turn your back and walk away from me,” I mumbled.

“You are happy, right?” He didn't answer and only stare at me.

“You are. Nasasaktan ako na masaya ka, Atti. Ang sama ko, 'no? Kaya siguro ayaw mo na sa'kin... s-sabi mo hindi mo ako sasaktan, e'.”

“Bakit siya ang pinili mo?” I asked.

He was about to answer but I didn't let him

“'Wag mo na palang sagutin. Masakit na, baka mas sasakit pa pag sinabi mo pa, 'no? I chuckled. I stared at him as he was looking at me, listening to my nonsense talks.

“Mahal kita. Sa ngayon, mahal kita. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan 'to. Mamahalin kita hanggang sa magsasawa na ang puso ko,” I continued, now teary-eyed.

“Ang sakit-sakit sa tuwing  tinatalikuran at iniiwan mo ako,“ a tear escaped from my eyes and he looked away.

“And now, let me. Ako naman,” I wiped the tears from my face. I breathed and her forehead creased when our eyes meet.

“Atticus, thank you for the memories. 'Wag mo na akong talikuran, hindi na kailangan kasi ako na ang tatalikod sa'yo. Be happy with her,” I smiled at him for the last time.

I turn my back on him, and that day, for the first time I run away from him. I thought he was my home, turns out that he's only there to comfort me temporarily. Hindi ko naman alam na ang lahat ng masasayang araw ay mapapalitan ng sakit. Kung sana alam ko ay nagpaghandaan ko sana itong lahat kasi hindi ko alam kong makakaya ko 'to.

Pumasok agad ako sa kotse at pinaandar na ni Kuya ang sasakyan. Hindi ko na nilingon kung saan si Atticus. I'm not strong enough, I'm a coward and this is my way to escape from them because I love him.

I love my home, my family, my best friend, and Atticus. But I learned recently, the best way to love is to leave.