Low key a vent about sh 💀 but I'm a month and 30 days clean so yay but I'm close to relapsing rn but fanfiction makes it better
TW: Kinda graphic description of sh and the feeling of pre sh, small mental breakdown
Boris was almost 2 months clean from self harm. That's the furthest he's gotten since the last time he cut. Sure, he's had moments where he'd have an itch but that would go away with scratching. He felt as though he'd be okay if he kept doing that. Turns out that doesn't help sometimes.
Boris had a scratch like always. But this time was different. He kept scratching and kept scratching but the feeling wouldn't go away, as though his body craved more. Boris started to scratch roughly after a while but the feeling wouldn't fucking stop.
"God damnit." He whispered under his breath, feeling tears trickle down his cheeks. He backed into his wall and slid to the floor. His thighs were turning red but not the type of red his brain wanted. Just a pinkish red. His brain wanted a beautiful crimson. Boris slammed his head against his wall repeatedly. No other type of pain was enough for him.
"Fuck!" He shouted. Eventually he found a blade in his hand. He had promised Theo he wouldn't hurt himself. He tried to keep that promise but he couldn't.
He apologized to Theo after every cut. He made only a few but they were deep. He started coughing from the tears and gagged, throwing up in the trash can next to him.
After what felt like forever he calmed down. Closing his eyes as he quietly sobbed. He got up and grabbed some paper towels and got a bowl of water. Boris cleaned his cuts and bandaged them. He knew he looked like shit.
I have to tell him.. he thought to himself. Boris grabbed his phone and called Theo.
Theo heard the phone ringing from the other room while he watched tv. He sighed and got up from the couch. Theo picked up the phone and was about to say something in an irritated tone when he heard rough breathing.
"Boris?" Theo said.
"Hey.. can you uh.. can you come over.?" Boris asked quietly. Theo knew something was wrong.
"Yeah, yeah I'm on my way."
"Thank you." Theo rushed to get his shoes on and ran out the door, bringing Popchyk with him. It felt too long before he reached Boris' house.
Theo opened the door and ran to his best friend's room.
"Boris, what's..Oh my god." Theo stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a tear stained, dark under eyed, sweaty, pantless, Boris on his bed. Bloody bandages were poorly wrapped over his thighs.
Theo rushed to his side and gently held his friend's hand.
"What happened?" He asked.
"You know how I've been having these.. itches? It wouldn't stop, Theo! I kept scratching and it burned! I tried Theo I tried!"
Theo. Theo not Potter? Fuck.
Theo sat on the bed next to the Ukrainian and held him. Boris curled into Theo and cried softly, grabbing fist fulls of the other's sweater. Theo quietly shushed him and rocked them slowly.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm glad you called me. I know you tried. I know. I'm proud of you for getting this far. I'm proud of you for telling me. If this ever happens again try and call before you do it okay? I'll be over as soon as I can to help you." Theo said.
"You're not mad..?"
"No, Boris. I'll never be mad at you for this. Don't ever think that." Theo lightly kissed the top of Boris' head.
They stayed in that position for a while until Boris completely calmed down.
" Let's fix those bandages okay?" Theo said. Boris hummed in response. The two sat up and walked to the bathroom, Boris grabbed the supplies and sat on the sink.
Theo unwrapped the other bandages and opened some rubbing alcohol. The bleeding had thankfully stopped so he could skip that step. He disinfected the wound, causing Boris to wince every so often, causing Theo to apologize. After finishing up he bandaged the cuts.
" Done. " Boris thanked him and they walked out. They grabbed the dirty sheets and threw them on the ground, sitting on the mattress.
" Thanks. " Boris said.
" Of course. I'll always be here for you. "
Boris smiled and looked down.
He thought he'd always have Theo with him. But within the next 2 months, Theo was gone to New York.
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Boris Pavlikovsky angst oneshots (The Goldfinch)
FanfictionI literally cannot find ANY angst on him so I will make it. No x reader tho bc ew (In my opinion obviously). Y'all really sleeping on his trauma, also I haven't read the book but from what I heard his character was racist and I don't support that. O...
