I won't give up (Completed)

Chapter 15.

Author's Note: this chapter is very descriptive. It talks about depression and self harm. If you are not okay with this sort of topics, please don't read this chapter and find some help (If anyone wants to talk to me, I'm always here to hear you out). 

*Flashback*

Maya's POV 

Being alone most of the time sucks... but knowing none of your friends like you, sucks even more. I seriously don't understand why some people come into my life just for them to leave as if nothing has happened. 

Something just happened and I have no idea how to fix it. 

I can't believe you were talking bad about her. 

Everyone saw and heard what you told Jessica just now. 

I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean to say bad things to her. She just hit a nerve. 

That does not excuse your behavior, she's even crying right now. Most of us are pissed at you. 

Reading back at these messages, I truly don't see what I did wrong. She was the one saying bad things about me, about how having my mom as a teacher was making me have more benefits that she couldn't have. But that is not the case at all. 

I've always felt like Jessica has been jealous of me because I've been able to fix my psychological problems at school. But it has nothing to do with my mom being a teacher there, or at least I hope it doesn't have to be because of that. 

She has always felt competitive around me, always trying to get more and better grades than me when all I want to do is just pass. I just want to graduate already and I can't believe that she just showed our text messages to our friends. Or to the people I thought were my friends... I guess they are not anymore if they took her side. 

Tears began to stream down my face involuntarily. I didn't want to cry because of her, she doesn't deserve my tears, she has never treated me right. 

And this just proves how toxic our friendship was. She has always tried to make people come against me, and I just gave her the perfect chance to do so. 

Trying to wipe away my tears, I went to the kitchen and look around. I've been thinking about this for a while and even though I know this is not the way to handle this, I just feel so alone that I have to do it. I have to release the pain somehow. 

As I look through the cabinets, I found what I was looking for. 

Taking the scissors, I went to the balcony and sat down in a corner where I knew that no one would be able to see me, but I was able to see the sky. 'I'm sorry for doing this... I just have to'. 

Looking at my right wrist, I put pressure on it with the scissor and even though it definitely stings, I put more pressure on it and slide it slowly, making blood come out of it. 

'I'm such a burden'. One line of blood. 

'I make everything worse than what it has to be'. Two lines of blood. 

'I'll never be good enough for anyone'. Three lines of blood. 

My tears began to mix with the blood on my wrists. My heart breaking. 

I can't believe I'm doing this, but somehow, the pain in my wrists isn't even close to the pain I feel in my heart.  

***

Walking to the classroom I went to my desk, ignoring the stares I got from my 'friends' who were all in a circle, talking and laughing until I came in. 

With my headphones on, I put my hands on the desk and my head over my hands so I could "sleep". 

After what I did last week I'm not the same I was before. I broke a promise to myself that I won't ever be able to repare. Because since that day, I've done it everyday. 

Thankfully, the jackets I have are all big and they cover my wrists perfectly, so no one has been able to notice it. 

"Maya?" I heard someone say as they shook me a bit. I opened my eyes, not really wanting to talk to anyone, but it was Tori. 

I can tell she has been worried about me. Probably the only one of them who has been worried. 

Looking at her with a blank expression I waited for her to see if she would say anything. "If you won't say anything to me, please let me sleep." 

Her eyes were watery once I said that and I know I'm hurting her, but it doesn't matter anymore. 

"Can we- can we talk outside?" She asked and I saw her looking behind me probably at her friends. 

"Do I really have to?" 

"I'm worried about you-" 

"Hello class, please everyone sit down." Thank god, I think this is going to be the only time I'm happy that the teacher came in. 

Tori looked at me pleadingly but I look at the teacher and she got the message. Tori got the message that I won't talk to her. 

Sighing she made her way to her desk and I stopped the music and tried to pay attention in class, but it was difficult. 

I had to continue as if nothing has happened.