Backseat (A Spencer Hastings Fanfiction)

Chapter 10

We sat in this hug for quite some time before deciding that it would be best to leave. There was a comfortable silence between us and not even for a second did her hand leave mine. It's like she wanted me to know that she was there with every step we took. When we reached her house, I stopped walking to tell her goodbye, but she stopped me from talking. "I don't feel comfortable with you walking home alone when you've just shared something so personal with me. I- I just want to make sure you get home safe. Just tonight." I looked at her and started to smile. "Okay. Just for tonight." And then we made our way through her garden to get to the trailer park.

We stopped again in front of my trailer. She took both my hands in hers before she spoke, "I just wanted to thank you for trusting me with your past. I see you no different than before and I hope you don't regret telling me. Your secrets safe with me." My eyes started to tear up again, "Thank you for listening. I don't regret telling you unless you tell someone about what I just shared with you. But I have a feeling that you won't." she smiled at me which made me give her a smile in return. I gave her another hug before I opened my door and went inside my trailer. Through my little window, I watched how Spencer stood still outside my door for a few moments before she turned on her heel and left. She did take a glance back though which made me smile once again.

Everything was normal, I ate my dinner, did my nighttime routine, and laid in my bed with a book in my hand. But something felt different. I thought that something in my trailer has changed. But soon I noticed that the change happened inside of me. I felt... lighter. If that makes sense. There wasn't that much weight on my shoulder anymore. It felt strange but it also felt really relieving. Something I haven't felt in a long time. Relieve. It felt good to be honest. That night, I fell asleep with a smile on my face and a heart that wasn't all that heavy anymore.

The next morning came, and I still felt the same I did the night before. Light. As I was drinking my morning coffee and doing my makeup, I heard my phone ringing. It was Aria. She wanted to know if I was going to be at school for breakfast, but I said that I wasn't. I still didn't have the money to buy myself some food and I didn't want any of the girls to buy me some. I told her I'd meet them just before school.

After school Emily and I decided to hang out at her place to do our homework. When we finished, we decided to watch Orange Is The New Black. I've never seen it, but she was kind enough to start from the beginning. I thought the show was hilarious and also kind of dramatic, but I loved it. After a few episodes, we just talked about God knows what. Throughout our conversation, there was a question I always wanted to ask her.

"Hey, Em?", I asked her. She only gave me a low hum in response whilst looking at me. "How did you find out that you liked girls?" She looked away for a moment, seemingly thinking about something, before locking eyes with me. "Well, I noticed it because I was in love with Alison. She always made me feel really special. We also kissed once but she didn't feel the same way I did." On that 'confession', I gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry to hear that." She smiled at me, "It's alright. There wasn't anything I could do about it. She'll always have a special place in my heart as my best friend and first love." I gave her a small smile back. "How did you know?", she asked me. "I don't really know to be honest. Someday I noticed that I only looked at girls the way I looked at boys. I also had a crush on the head cheerleader at my old school. I know it's cliché but what can I say? She was hot." We both laughed at that.

When our laughter quieted down, we looked at each other and the next thing I know is that her lips were on mine. I didn't know what do to, so I was stiff as a pole. Even though I didn't quite enjoy it because I just wasn't the type of kissing someone I don't like in that way, her lips were really soft. After a moment, I gathered my thoughts, and I quickly pushed her away gently. "Wait, Em", I said, breaking the kiss, "I'm sorry but... I just can't do this with you." She looked at me with shock in her eyes like she couldn't believe what we just did.

"Sorry, I know. I can't either. I also like someone else. We shouldn't have done that." We looked at each other, but after a while, we both agreed to not tell the girls about our... encounter. We said that if they were to find out about this then that would be fine with both of us, but we weren't going to run to them now and tell them ourselves. Another thing we agreed on was that we were better of as friends because of the fact that we loth liked someone else and our love for each other was only platonic.

"So", Emily said after a few moments, "What are you going to do about Spencer?" Okay, I did not really see that coming. "I mean, I can't really do anything about it. She doesn't like me like that, and I guess I just have to accept that", I explained with a sad expression. "It will be alright", she encouraged me while smiling at me.

When I left her house a while later, I decided that I didn't really want to go home just yet. So, I thought that I would just go to the field I hung out with Spencer the night before. It was dark already and I thought that that would be the perfect opportunity for me to go stargazing. When I arrived, I laid down on the grass and just looked up at the sky. Looking at the stars made me feel calm and it gave me an opportunity to collect my thoughts. If you think that I'd be confused after Emily, and I kissed than I've got to tell you that you're wrong. It only confirmed that I had indeed very strong feelings for Spencer. One thing I've got to say though, for a first kiss, Emily was not bad.

While I was laying there, I tried to think about what I was going to do about Spencer. I mean, like I already said, she didn't like me the same way I liked her. Although I knew that with the fact that she like both, boys and girls, the chance of her having feelings for me didn't change. Because just look at me. She's Spencer and I'm just, me. She's smart and beautiful and she's good in everything she does. I'm none of those things. So, now you know what i mean. Why would someone like her have any kind of feelings towards me. It just wasn't possible.