Backseat (A Spencer Hastings Fanfiction)

Chapter 11

It was now a few months after Emily and I kissed and at some point, we kind of just ended up saying too much, so the other girls found out that we did. Their reaction was good but there was some uneasiness especially on my part but also on Spencer's and Hanna's part. I mean, I guess because Hanna is Spencer and I's number one supporter. I didn't really know but it's fine. After that, we all continued like nothing happened which I was very grateful for.

Aria finally told us what was going on between Mr. Fitz and her and turns out I was right. They were dating, it wasn't really a problem for us. We were just concerned about her. We didn't want her to get hurt or anything, but she assured us that that wouldn't happen. It didn't really convince us, but we let it slide. It was just weird sitting in his class after we found out. We all kept looking at each other and we were kind of tense but that soon disappeared. At least for me it did. I also noticed that Emily started to act weird. I didn't know if the other's noticed, but I certainly did. She was tense almost all the time and she didn't hang out with us as much as she used to. Yes, we were getting older, and things change but this was really weird. She always found some excused as to why she didn't show up when we met up or something. It was really weird, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open.

Hanna introduced us to her new boyfriend Caleb. He was weird but also really nice. We could all see that he treated her well. I also got closer with her. She just understood me, and I could talk to her about anything. Whenever I talked about Spencer or I was feeling depressed and sad, she would always listen even if she heard my stories a hundred times already. I mean, my crush on Spencer didn't subside, it only grew, but speaking to Spencer and speaking to Hanna were two different things. It was easier for me to talk to Hanna about why I was feeling sad so much because I'm not in love with her. I hope that makes sense somehow. Also, if I was feeling sad about Spencer, I couldn't just talk to Spencer about it because I wasn't ready to tell her yet. There were moments I was so close to telling her, but it just never came out. I couldn't just yet and it was slowly killing me inside.

Whenever I wasn't feeling myself and I wasn't in the mood to talk about it, I went to Spencer's house in the evening, told her if she wanted to come stargazing with me, she agreed most of the time and we did just that. Spencer knew that something was wrong with me, but she never really asked me to tell her. We talked about everything and nothing at all. She tried to distract me from the things that were going on in my head and most of the time, it helped.

TW: mention of self-harm

One day, when the girls and I were hanging out at Aria's place, we did our homework and then we talked and talked for hours about God knows what. It was a really hot day, hotter than usual. The girls kept asking me if I wasn't sweating like crazy because I was wearing a thing jacket over my shirt. "No, I'm not. It's actually quite comfortable like this", I kept answering. I always wore long-sleeved shirts or jackets. Didn't matter how warm or cold it was. But people just couldn't find out about this particular secret. They would see me differently. Anyways, I went downstairs so I could take off my jacket for a few moments because truth be told, I was really hot. I didn't hear their footsteps coming down the stairs. They just wanted to get a glass of water, but what they found shocked them to no end.

They found me, in my normal shirt, my arms littered with scars. I had my back turned to them, so I still didn't notice them. "Angie?", I heard Hanna call me in a quiet voice, but I still heard it. I tensed up immediately and turned around very slowly. There was no point in covering my scars because I knew that they had seen them already. When I looked in their faces, I was met with looks of sympathy and shock. It was horrible and I was so scared of what they might say. Why am I like this? Why do I have so many problems? What if they think that I'm just trying to make myself important? Those were the thoughts running through my mind. Instead of saying something, they all looked at each other, came towards me and hugged me. They didn't want me to explain anything to them, they just wanted to help me get better. They hated that I did this to myself. So, they encouraged me to get better. The girls were also ready to look for different coping mechanisms that could help me to get away from harming myself.

I, of course, started to cry again and thanked them a thousand times for their reaction and that they didn't plan to turn their backs on me now. "How did I get so lucky to have such friends? Friends that accept me just the way I am and who do anything for me?" They all just smiled at me and told me that they're just as lucky to have me as a friend. How do I react to such a compliment? I just smiled at them gratefully. God really meant it good with me when he brought those four incredible people, each with their own troubles into my life. Every one of them had their own struggles but they were there for me. Always and without hesitation. And I would also be there for them every step of the way.

Before we went upstairs again, I pulled Spencer beside me and thanked her for not telling them that she knew my secret already. Her answer made me tear up again, "You trusted me by telling me the things that happened to you. So, of course I'm not going to tell them anything. Your trust means everything to me and I'm not about to lose it by saying something I shouldn't. You're my best friend and I won't love you any less... no matter what you tell me."

Later, we decided to head out because it was a beautiful day and we wanted to make the most of it because it was still quite early. We got ourselves a coffee to go at 'The Brew' and then we just walked around town a bit. When we were close to Alison's memorial, we saw someone standing in front of it. It was a woman, I guess. The woman had her hood up but I could see that she had long, blonde hair and she was rather slim. I didn't think much of it and just wanted to keep going, it was probably just someone who knew Alison when she was still with us. When I just kept talking and no one responded to me, I stopped walking and looked behind me. The girls were standing there, looking at the unknown woman with their mouths open. Have they never seen a woman before?

"Guys?", I said and started to walk towards them. They just kept staring at her. Although now, they were whispering amongst each other. As I got closer to them, I could hear what they were saying. "Is this...", asked Hanna. "Could it be...", wondered Aria. The other two just responded with a quiet, "I don't know. Could it?" I was utterly confused right now. "Girls", I exclaimed. They all looked at me and immediately looked back in the direction of the woman, but she was gone. What the hell?

"Guys, what's wrong?", I asked them, confusion could be clearly heard in my voice. They looked at me once again. Spencer was the first one to speak, "Did you see that girl standing in front of Ali's memorial?" I nodded my head. "Well,", Aria continued, "we thought that it would be...." It seemed like she couldn't say it out loud. "We thought that it would be Alison we saw just now. That she was standing in front of her memorial", Hanna finished. Now I was really confused. How was Alison supposed to stand in front of her own memorial? I noticed that Emily still hasn't said anything. "Do you think it was her as well, Em?", I asked her. She looked up from the ground, probably just realizing that she was talked to. "Um... yeah, I guess." Hm, weird. Why is she being so awkward? I mean, the whole situation was kind of weird, but she was really being weird. And tense yet again.