Ace of Spades

But Fire Burns

Leni panted as she stared at Risa in shock. The younger woman pressed her back against the door, leaning on it because her legs were too weak to hold her up.

"Leni..."

"Risa..."

They spoke at the same time, avoiding each other's gazes and fidgeting uncomfortably. "I should go..." Risa said quietly. She didn't want to leave though. She wanted to stay right where she was and talk to Leni. They had a few more days left until election day and she'd be damned if they won't be able to fix this problem.

A problem which created another problem.

But perhaps Leni was right. If she left when she was told then maybe they wouldn't have stood too close to each other. Maybe they wouldn't have almost kissed and almost given in to the temptation of once again surrendering all sensible thoughts and just letting themselves — their bodies — speak for the number of emotions they were feeling.

"Don't. You're right," Leni said as she turned her back to Risa, rubbing her face in her hands as if sobering herself up. "Kailangan talaga nating mag-usap."

The younger woman watched as Leni sat on the edge of her bed, finally staring at her. "Tangina," Leni laughed bitterly. "It's so easy to lose control of myself when it comes to you."

"I'm sorry, Leni," the younger woman walked slowly towards the couch across from Leni, waiting if she was going to be stopped at any point.

She wasn't.

"I'm sorry too."

It was awkward to sit around and talk about it, not knowing where to begin or how to begin. But they had to go through this and they both knew it. They had to start somewhere, however difficult or pointless it may seem.

"I don't know how to begin..." Risa whispered cautiously. The older woman asked her to wait, then stood up and walked towards the small kitchen area.

A nervous smile appeared on her face as Leni returned with two cups of coffee, motioning for them to move to the small dining area in the hotel room. They sat across from each other and Leni spoke first. "Ako alam ko. Kumusta ka?"

Anger remained, tension had yet to be deflated, grief and love were present. And as reality arrived, there also came truth.

The truth that they loved each other tied them down then, and the truth that they can't be with each other anchored the rest of their decisions after that.

Truth was their anchor, just as it had always been.

Honesty knocked on their souls. Talk to each other, it pleaded.

So they did. They talked the same way that they did that night at the hotel room they shared.

"Hindi okay," Risa whispered, eyes fixated on the view outside the window. She couldn't look at Leni. "Gulong-gulo na ako sa sarili ko."

Risa's heart hammered in her chest and tears fell down her cheeks. Her mind was a mess, her thoughts were muddled, and deep down she knew. She knew very well her guilt was creeping up on her and the longer she stays in that room with Leni, the faster and easier it will take for the guilt to eat her whole.

She shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be anywhere with Leni, let alone be in the same room as her with only the two of them there. She shouldn't have said those things too. But she did so here she was, facing the consequences of her stupidity one step at a time.

Leni's eyes saddened at Risa's obvious confusion and shame.

"Ikaw..." Risa turned her attention back to Leni, wiping her own tears away. "Kumusta ka?"