Ace of Spades

Even Just for Tonight

Trigger warning: Panic attack

Risa couldn't breathe.

Sweat trickled down her temples and she felt nauseous. She didn't know what happened, or what triggered this in the first place, but after the rally, her mouth felt dry, she was dizzy, and her stomach churned. She could feel and hear her heart beat loudly and rapidly. So she hurried to the van and skipped dinner, advising her staff to tell anyone who asked where she was that she wasn't feeling well.

As soon as she closed her hotel room door, she dropped down the floor and rocked herself, her whole body trembling, and tried to shake away the anxiety attack she was having. Tears rolled down her cheeks while she was trying to catch her breath, gasping for air.

Shit, kalma. Risa, kalma, please. She repeated in her head, continuing to rock back and forth trying to calm herself.

One, she counted. Two, three...but it won't stop.

Even when she was alone, it felt so loud. So boisterous.

It wasn't often that she had anxiety attacks. But whenever she would, it would be absolute hell. Especially when no one else was around so she could ask for help.

She grabbed her phone from the coffee table, tears blocking her vision. "Hi, hon. You're supposed to be having dinner now, right?" Lucas said from the other end of the call.

"Y-yes..." Risa replied, still breathless and shaky.

"Hey...hon, what's wrong? Okay ka lang ba? May nangyari ba?"

"No, no, walang nangyari. But I need you right now. Please, I can't be alone tonight."

"Are you having a panic attack now? Shit, hon, wait. I'll try to be there as quickly as I can. Pero it'll take hours pa kasi nasa Iloilo ako." Lucas' voice was filled with panic and Risa could hear him rummaging his things in the background. "Listen, I'll call someone to accompany you dyan habang wala ako ha."

"O-okay, pero please not my staff or the kids. And bilisan mo, please, it hurts."

"Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can."

Risa sobbed harder as the call ended. She stood up, careful not to hurt herself, and ran to the bathroom, feeling the strong urge to vomit. She tried to, but since she hadn't eaten much throughout the day yet, nothing would come out.

She sobbed harder, burying her face in her arms, while she sat on the cold bathroom floor.

-----------------------

Leni was in the function hall for the post-rally dinner, preoccupied with different conversations happening at once, when her phone rang. Seeing the caller ID, she looked around, only then noticing that Risa wasn't around. She excused herself and went outside to answer the call.

"Vice Gov. Lucas, hello. Napatawag ka?"

"Yes, VP. Good evening po. Si Risa po kasi..." Leni could hear the urgency in his voice.

"Hindi ba siya sumasagot sa tawag mo? I don't know where she is, ngayon ko lang napansin na wala siya dito sa dinner. Gusto mo bang itanong ko sa staff niya?"

"Ay, hindi na po, VP. Nasa hotel room po si Risa, she's experiencing a panic attack. Sorry po, baka nakakaistorbo ako pero on the way pa lang po ako dyan ngayon and I don't know how long it will take bago ako makarating kasi nasa Iloilo pa po ako and late na. Hindi po pwedeng mapag-isa si Risa ngayon, sobrang lala po ng mga panic attacks niya kaya makikisuyo po sana ako."