Ace of Spades

Turn the Tide

Leni's heart almost leapt out of her chest as she watched the live video of the rally in Pasay while she was still on the way.

"You give me hope. The strength and will to keep on," she heard Risa sing onstage, in front of the huge crowd.

What are you doing, Risa?

She received flowers from her already this morning while on the way to Basilan. She got her text greeting and had already replied to it, wondering why Risa was already awake so early when she didn't have any engagements to go to for a few more hours.

Bakit mo ako kinakantahan?

And why, of all the songs you could choose from, did you choose to sing this one?

Don't get Leni wrong. Any gift from Risa is one she would always appreciate even if it's just a simple greeting. Hell,even if Risa didn't have any gifts for her other than a simple greeting, she'd appreciate it just as much. But Risa doing this — singing for her in front of all these people, that was different. Too different.

"Only you, VP Leni."

Risa was singing. Not only for her, but to her.

As if she wanted to get this message, disguised as a gift, across.

As if every line that shakily made its way out of her throat was reaching over to Leni, urging her to listen. To hear the song, understand its lyrics, and watch Risa sing the words she so badly wanted to say but because they were in this situation, she couldn't.

As if Risa was saying, from miles away, Let me sing what I cannot say.

"It's your smile, your face, your lips that I miss," Risa sang and Leni, poor Leni, who was on the road on the way to the venue had her eyes wide and her lungs felt like they ran out of oxygen supply.

Risa, ano bang gusto mong sabihin?"

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To any rational mind, since it was Leni's birthday, it would definitely be more fitting that she would sing the happy birthday song. So why, of all the songs the world has to offer, did Risa choose to sing You by Basil Valdez?

"Those sweet little eyes that stare at me and make me say, I'm with you through all the way."

That's why.

Since last night after she heard Leni and Christopher talking, Risa was torn between urging Leni to open up to her like she used to and just leaving things where they are.

It wasn't healthy but it was Leni's habit, which Risa learned quite the hard way in the past. She refused to let anyone in, creating this wall around her, especially after her husband's passing. Leni had to be strong for her children and along the way, she came to think that she had to be strong alone.

And then there was Risa.

Risa who squirmed her way inside the wall Leni built around herself. Before the older woman knew it, she couldn't (and didn't want to) let Risa out. She cherished having her there, loved talking to her, and listening to her reassurance. Leni, who refused to talk about her feelings before, began to cry on Risa's shoulder when things got too hard. The vice president, who rarely showed physical affection, became used to soothing the senator's back when she wept.

Leni let Risa in.

So it wasn't just the love that could have been that they lost the day Risa walked out of the OVP in 2018. It was their bond. The very same bond that held them grounded, kept them sane, and made them stronger throughout the years.

They didn't just lose their lovers. They lost their best friends.

So why did Risa choose to sing You by Basil Valdez? Because she missed her person — her favorite person.

"It changes everything, you see. When I know I've got you with me."

I hope that through this song, you let me in again.

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Leni was here. Risa could hear it because of the clamor backstage, the rush of the crowd near where the tents were, and because her heart raced as if it knew that Leni was here.

She saw her, clad in gray, hair still tied neatly to that ponytail that she now wore more often, and she was conversing with the celebrities who came to celebrate this day with her.

Leni saw Risa, wearing her usual campaign clothes, holding an artificial pink rose in her hand and the leather band still clasped on her wrist. Risa waved at her and she waved back, excusing herself from who she was talking to.

"Hi, VP! Happy birthday," Risa greeted cheerfully, her hooded eyes thinning into a line because of how much she was smiling.

"Thank you, Sen. Risa. I heard you singing kanina. Pinapanood ko 'yung live on the way here."

"Nakakahiya. My voice was shaky kasi kabado ako eh."

"Sus, nahiya pa. Your voice is beautiful and I appreciate na kinantahan mo ako. Thank you."

"You're welcome. So, kumusta ka?"

Leni's smile faltered a bit and Risa noticed it although they were wearing masks. But the vice president covered it up smoothly, like it was already her reflex, and smiled again. "Okay lang, masaya naman."

Risa nodded, once again feeling her heart drop. "That's good. Enjoy the rest of the day, VP."

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Leni looked beautiful.

Her eyes were sparkling brighter than the stars in the night sky. Though you couldn't see the entirety of her face, you could see the happiness in her eyes. She was glowing. Like she wasn't from this world or maybe she was but way past the limitations of human beauty.

And Risa couldn't breathe.

Leni looked so beautiful that Risa couldn't breathe.

Her heart was beating so wildly in her chest and she was purely, utterly speechless at the sight of Leni, who sat a little too far from her, but still, she could feel the light and the happiness that she radiated.

Ang ganda ganda mo, Leni, she thought.

She could cry just looking at her former lover like that. Leni was swaying along to the song, laughing graciously with the crowd, and when it was finally her turn to speak, Risa could swear that she had never seen anything more breathtaking than that.

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A tear escaped Risa's eye.

Then another followed, then another, and before she knew it, she was crying. But she couldn't cry. Not yet, at least. Not when 400,000 plus people could see her, not when her children could see her, and most especially not when Leni could see her. She squeezed herself between Chel and Sonny, swallowing down her sobs and posing for pictures like she was okay.

This was the first time since years ago when she stopped crying over Leni that she's crying about her again. The first time, since years ago, that she's once again mourning for their love and cursing the world because was it really too much to ask?

Risa knew she shouldn't be feeling that way. She knew it would be wrong to look at Leni in the same manner that she had looked at her that morning as she watched her sleep peacefully. She knew it would have great consequences, more on her than on anyone.

And she wouldn't dare put Leni in that situation again. She wouldn't involve her in another mess and make her build taller and sturdier walls around herself. Not when I've seen her as happy and as carefree as she is tonight.

So when Leni held out her hand, with the same dimpled smile on her face that reassured her, that unspokenly said it's okay, asking her to just hold it, to just let everything else that's there be there, she looked the other way.

Risa chose to ignore her hand and look the other way.