Ace of Spades

Has She Fallen Asleep?

Trigger warning: Mentions of panic attack

She refused.

She looked at him, dead in the eye, and she refused.

"Ayoko, Lucas."

He said he'd do anything. That he was willing to wait for her again, court her for the second time around, woo her and her children, but she said no. She didn't want this. Hell, she didn't need this. Especially not now.

"Hindi na ba talaga magbabago 'yung isip mo?" He asked.

Risa shook her head. A needy man like the one in front of her was something she didn't want to add to the already-long list of things to worry about and people to please.

"Hindi na. We're done, let's leave it at that.

"Can't we try again?"

"Ayoko," she said firmly. "Huwag mo nang ipilit. Ayoko, tapos na tayo."

Lucas nodded, saddened by Risa's refusal. "Well, I suppose I have no choice but to respect your decision."

"You should."

They were silent after that. She was about to climb in the van, eager to finally be rid of his presence. He stopped her before she could, gripping her wrist a little tighter than intended. She shook his hand away. "Is there anything else that you need?"

"In a few years, if we cross paths again and see each other, are you willing to give me another chance?"

Risa met his gaze, knowing full well what his intention was. She didn't spend years with him for her to not be aware of it.

"No."

----------------------

A few days after her oath taking, she was bombarded with work. Her staff clamored around, social media managers reporting the incessant and increasing amount of trolls on her social media pages, researchers perusing through years worth of bills.

As the only opposition in the senate — the only genuine one at least — Risa felt like she had no time to waste. Every second that she wasn't working was a second that could be maximized to make the country at least a little bit better.

Has she had time to fully process her election grief?

No. Of course not.

In between the canvassing of votes, the proclamation, the closing of the 18th Congress, and the oath taking, not once has Risa truly absorbed what had happened. She spent her time convincing a few of her colleagues to join the minority bloc, fully aware that most of the senators were already in the majority. She made sure that she was ready for the 19th Congress.

Then there was this whole Lucas thing.

She already refused to entertain him, denied his request for another chance for them, yet she couldn't shrug off the fear that he might ask that question again. What she used to adore about him — his patience and perseverance when it came to her — became what she hated about him now. However, with her irritation, came this guilt that she played the major hand in why their relationship failed. Maybe because she was still hung up on Leni that she wasn't as present a lover as she should have been.

Maybe she should have dedicated more time to him. Or have been more of what he needed, given him what he wanted.

Maybe it was completely her fault that their relationship failed.

She should have done better. Tried better.

And then there was Leni.

What were they now? Were they friends? Or something else? Who was she kidding, of course they were something else. They've always been something else.