Indecisive Heart

Chapter 10

After about an hour of board games, which I partnered with Rory for, we turned back over to the karaoke machine. Finn's basketball friends did an interesting rendition of "Getcha Head in the Game" from High School Musical. Then Finn got up and started singing "Somebody to Love" by Queen. At first I thought nothing of this because I know he likes the old school songs. Then I started to wonder if this was a secret message to me. Was I supposed to be his somebody to love?? Was he serenading me right now??

I started to get sweaty. I was trying to watch his body language without making eye contact to see if he looked like he was singing to me. Nothing stood out as obvious, but I was still on edge. What if he got down on one knee when he was finished with the song??? I wasn't ready for that!! Now I'm overthinking this too much. Or am I??

Suddenly Rory snaps me out of my spiraling thought process and asks me if I want to sing next. I am not a singer and she knows that. I shake my head no and she tells me "Come on, you're the only one that hasn't sung yet. Even the boys sang!" I look over at her and whisper "Rory, I cannot sing in front of these people. I have stage fright." Then she rolled her eyes and said "How about if we do a duet? You have to do something, Finn is probably going to ask you to sing next anyways so I'm just preparing you ahead of time." I contemplate this and decide she's probably right.

"Fine," I say, " But you're doing the heavy lifting. Pick an easy one." She smiles and I have a feeling she already knows what song she wants to do. It better be something I know the words to. Just as we finish our hushed conversation Finn finishes his possible serenade to me, puts down the microphone and says "Okay! We still have an hour left until midnight! Who's next, Sadie?" He looks over at me with this puppy dog look on his face that would have made it really hard for me to say no to. I sit speechless looking at him for a few seconds. It's a good thing I have Rory here to prepare me ahead of time for these things. She knows me better than I know myself.

Rory immediately gets up and says "Actually, we wanted to do a duet together!" Finn gestures for us to take the stage and I nervously get up from the couch to grab a microphone. There's a million thoughts running through my brain that I barely even hear the song start. It's "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls, one of our favorite songs to sing in the car together.

I avoided eye contact with Finn for pretty much the whole song so I didn't give him any signs that I might be serenading him. The song went by fast and when it was over I sat down before the boys were even done clapping. Finn looked over at me on the other side of the couch and said "That was really good! Did you two rehearse that beforehand?" I giggled a little and said "No, it's just one of our favorite songs to sing together." He smiled and said "That's so cute!" I felt my face go red. What's cute? The song? The Spice Girls? Rory? Me? What's so cute???

Thankfully Rory cut in and said "Thanks, it's like our best friend anthem," sat down in between Finn and I and hugged me. I'm just glad we got that out of the way. That was enough public shaming for me in one night.

There was still fifty minutes left until midnight. How many more times could it be possible for me to embarrass myself before then? I started counting scenarios in my head.

Next we played charades with cards Finn had written up himself beforehand. We were in teams, but this time Finn asked to be on my team. So there we were, sitting on two chairs, very close to each other, on a team together. Surprisingly, we actually did very well together. Dare I say, we made a great team. We ended up winning the whole game.

With 10 minutes left until midnight now, I started to feel like I was going to barf. I went upstairs to use the restroom. When there was 5 minutes left until midnight, Rory came up to get me. She knocked on the door and said "Sadie, I know exactly what you're doing, and I am not going to let you get away with it. Let me in." I let her in and said "I can't go back down there." She shook her head and said "You don't even know if he's going to actually kiss you or not. Just go in expecting nothing and then if something happens you will be pleasantly surprised." She smiled at me through the mirror.

I replied, "It's not as magical for me to imagine as you might think. I don't even know how to kiss somebody, I've never done it before!" Sadie considered this for a minute, then tried to demonstrate with the air in front of her for me. I think I would have been better off without the demonstration.

Then she stopped and said "Look, you've been telling me all this time that you don't even like him and you refuse to believe that he likes you, so why all of a sudden are you so interested in kissing him??" Well, she got me there.

"I have no clue. You're right. I don't know why I'm worried." She smiled and said "Now let's get down there so we can celebrate! I hope you reapplied your lip gloss." She winked as she walked out the door.

Two minutes until midnight now. I was standing in the basement next to Rory in front of a tv Finn had the countdown displayed on. Finn was next to me, but a few feet away, so not in kissing distance. The countdown started, and we all started shouting out numbers and jumping up and down.

When the 30 second mark hit, I got a lump in my throat. Why am I so nervous?? I don't even like Finn like that! Why am I so anxious standing here waiting for him to kiss me at midnight when all this time I had been convincing myself he didn't like me and I don't like him? We're just friends, and friends don't kiss, boyfriends and girlfriends kiss. What happens in the next few seconds could change my whole life, or nothing could happen and it will just be a new year. I don't think I'm ready for my world to change right now. I look over at Finn as the 10 second mark hits. He's jumping up and down holding a noise maker and a confetti cannon. I look over at Rory and she looks at me. She grabs my hand and squeezes hard. This is it.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Everybody screams. Finn fires off the confetti and there's noises coming from every direction. All of the boys are high fiving. Rory gives me a hug from the side. I turn once more to Finn and he looks at me and smiles. He walks over to me and I can feel my heart beating right out of my chest. He comes closer, reaches out and... gives me a hug. Then he gives Rory a hug too. Did that mean something? Did he hug me first for a reason? Did he just hug Rory too to hide the fact that he wanted to give me a hug? Or was he just being polite to us both? I really need to go home and sleep.

Rory hugs me again and this time she whispers in my ear, "See? That wasn't so bad." Yeah, I guess it wasn't so bad. I feel relieved, but at the same time a bit disappointed, and I'm not sure why. He did hug me. I'm just tired, I think that's what it is.

After a couple more minutes of celebration, we started to help Finn clean up. My parents gave me a curfew of 1:00 so we had to be back home by then. Rory is sleeping over at my house so she doesn't have to drive home by herself late at night. The basketball guys are sleeping over Finn's house so they're not leaving tonight.

As Rory and I get ready to walk out the door, Finn speaks up. "Thanks for coming tonight, we all had so much fun with both of you." He reaches out again for a hug I was not expecting. At this point I'm half asleep, so I'm not sure if I was imagining it or not, but I think I audibly sniffed his sweatshirt he was wearing. It smelled good, whether it was real or in my dreams. He gave Rory another hug as well, and then we were on our way.

Rory talked the whole ride home, but I was barely listening because I was trying to decide what those hugs meant and if I should be offended or relieved that he didn't kiss me. I want to talk to Rory about it, but I'll wait until tomorrow when I'm thinking straight and not half asleep.

We arrived at my house on time, and my whole family was still awake, seemingly waiting for me in the living room. They asked us how it went, and Rory answered for me saying it was fun and we both had a good time, but we're tired so we're going to get ready for bed. It's like she can read my emotions without me even telling her. I'm not even sure what I'm feeling right now, but I'm sure Rory knows exactly what it is.

Once we were in bed and ready to go to sleep, I opened my mouth and said "Rory I-" and she cut me off and said "I know." Then she rolled over and we both went to sleep.