Indecisive Heart

Chapter 23

"I just don't know Soph." I sighed. "I had butterflies but at the same time I wanted to back away." She was deep in thought, trying to consider all that had happened and what I felt.

"Well, it seems you're still conflicted. I think the best way to get it sorted out is to spend time with Asher next. Maybe you'll feel different around him and your feelings for both of them will become more clear."

"What if they don't? What if I don't feel different around Asher? What if I'm just as confused as I am with Finn?" She shrugged. "Then you just have to keep trying. Keep going until your feelings resolve. It can't go on like this forever. But that won't happen. I highly doubt you'd ever feel the exact same way about two different people. You will figure it out, Sadie, don't worry." I fell into her lap and closed my eyes. "I hope so, because this is so exhausting." She laughed and patted my head. "Either way, he seems like a really nice guy."

"He is." I agreed. "That's what makes it so hard."

Wednesday felt like the longest day of my life. All I wanted to do was go bowling with Asher to see if I'd feel different with him than I had with Asher. The suspense of knowing was killing me.

I explained last night to Rory at lunch and she had no idea what to say, she was just as confused as I am. I was expecting Finn to plop down next to me as usual, but he never showed up at lunch that day. I was worried I had put him off last night. I found myself looking over at Asher at his table with Gia. How come he never came over to say hi to me? What made him so content to sit at Gia's table after all this time? Isn't he sick of her yet? I left lunch kind of upset because Finn never came and I was worried he may be mad at me, and secondly because I just wanted the chance to talk to Asher more. The desire to know my true feelings for these boys was growing more and more by the hour.

I tried to get Asher's attention in English class, but he never made eye contact with me. Once again, I left class disappointed.

Luckily, Finn came to my locker at the end of the day. "Oh my gosh, where were you all day? I was worried!" I exclaimed, tempted to give him a hug, but holding back.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you, just had some things to do. Busy day for me." He apologized.

"As long as you aren't mad at me."

He looked confused. "Why would I be mad at you?" I shrugged. "I don't know. I just thought you were avoiding me today because you were mad for some unknown reason. It's because I beat you last night, isn't it?" I gave him a shove and he chuckled.

I'm so relieved he wasn't avoiding me all day, but I wonder what he was up to that he didn't have any time during the day to talk. That seems almost unlike him.

I went to practice feeling better than I did before knowing things were still good between Finn and I. Whatever my feelings are for him, I know I value his friendship no matter what, so I'm glad I still have that. However, I was still anxious for tomorrow to come, so that I could finally hang out with Asher.

I was beginning to think he'd forgotten about it completely, when I saw him in the hallway after practice.

"Hi Sadie!" He smiled and waved from afar.

"Hi Asher!" I said, probably too excitedly.

"Sorry, in the middle of a meeting. We still on for bowling tomorrow?" He asked. My heart fluttered. He hadn't forgotten. "Absolutely we are!" I yelled back down the hallway. He gave me a thumbs up and walked into a classroom. As brief a meeting that was, I'm glad it happened. It was enough to hold me over until tomorrow.

~

"I don't know what to wear!" I whined, pulling clothes out of my dressers and throwing them onto my bed. "It's bowling, Sadie, what does it matter?" Olivia commented, sarcastic as ever. Sometimes it's annoying to share a room with a cranky teenager.