Indecisive Heart

Chapter 25

Word got out fast that Finn, one of the most popular boys in school, was going to prom with me, one of the biggest losers in school. People kept congratulating me, and I couldn't tell if they were being genuine or sarcastic. I'm sure a lot of other girls would have loved to go with Finn, but this was his senior prom, and if he wanted to go with me, I was going to make that happen. I was going to try to be the best prom date anyone could ask for, even though I'm probably the worst person to fill that position.

I was dying to talk to Asher, even if I can't tell him how I feel just yet, that doesn't mean I'm not going to talk to him at all. I was dying to know how he felt after our adventure last night. Maybe he felt just as good as I did.

I got to english class before he did, and when he walked in, I looked over at him and we made eye contact. I smiled, but quickly realized that this time instead of fireworks, his eyes were glossed over, no sparkles or confetti. He looked tired, defeated. A strand of his swooped hair fell in front of his face. He must have been running his hands through it, because it wasn't in perfect shape anymore. I noticed he ran his hands through his hair whenever he was nervous. Did we have a test today I forgot about?

He gave me the smallest smile in the world, only one side of his mouth lifting up. He didn't even show me his teeth. Worried, I turned around as he sat behind me.

"What's wrong?" I asked. He shook his head and put his hand up as if to dismiss the question. "It's nothing, just kind of tired. Didn't get much sleep last night." I looked at him like this made me sad. He looked pained, and looking at him made me feel pain too. "Sorry." I offered. He just nodded his head while looking down, avoiding my eyes. I turned back around. He obviously did not want to talk right now.

What had happened to the singing and dancing boy I was with last night? I wanted to know whatever it was that was making him like this. I wanted to comfort him and tell him how I felt. Maybe that would make him feel better. But I couldn't, and it didn't seem like he wanted to talk to me anyways.Had I done something last night that upset him? I hope not.

Later that day at practice, all of my teammates came over to me and expressed how excited they were for me. I thanked all of them, but inside I wasn't sure what I felt. I was happy because I thought this would be something good for Finn. Something for me to make up for all that I put him through, but was this just making it worse because I wasn't telling him the truth?

Then I felt upset, because I wasn't sure what was wrong with Asher, or if it was because of something I did. I wanted so badly to just get my feelings out in the open, to be rid of them. Maybe they would solve some of my problems, but I couldn't. I was in too deep now, and Finn deserves a good prom, so I need to push my feelings aside and be a good friend for him.

I released my frustrations out at practice. Feeling a little better at the end, I went over to Rory. "Please tell me the truth," I started, "Am I doing the right thing here?" She took a moment to consider her words. "Well, if I were you, I wouldn't have screwed up so badly in the first place. But, now that you're here, I think it's nice that you're going to prom with Finn. He wants you to be there with him and you agreed even though that's not really your thing. However, I think you should tell both Finn and Asher how you really feel, because if you don't, and they end up finding out when it's too late, you're going to end up in a lot of trouble. They'd both be hurt, and I'm sure you would be too."

I sighed. "You're right. I have to tell them. Both of them. I just don't know when or how. This would have been so much easier if I'd have just gotten to Asher five seconds earlier."

"Yup." Rory hugged me as we walked to the locker room.

When I came back out, ready to leave and go home, I noticed Asher walking down the hallway to the opposite end. I couldn't not try to talk to him, so I shouted to him. "Asher!" He turned around slowly. I waved to him and started walking his way, but he only shook his head at me, then turned around and started walking away.