Puppets in Uniform ~~ An Apply Fic

𝕃𝕚𝕒𝕟𝕒

She was leaving me.

No, not me. She was going home, she wasn't leaving. She'd be back...She'd be back.

I told myself this over and over again.

She wasn't leaving. There was still half of the school year left, she just was going home to see her family. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't me.

It is you, you make people leave. You say wrong things and hurt people, it's you, it's always been you.

I shut out the voice and build a solid metal wall in my mind, watching as the words bounce off it and fly away. I wasn't going to berate myself about this yet, I was in someone else's home around people I don't know. I couldn't break down.

I can't love you, I don't know how.

I was stupid, stupid, stupid and dumb. Dumb and drunk, how could I have said those things? I mean they were true, but now I've scared her off.

Because I was dumb enough to think maybe she would be able to help me, maybe someone would stay after hearing the deepest darkest thing I hated most about myself. That I didn't know how to love someone.

But now she's leaving, and it's my fault. Maybe this is why my mom left, not because my dad couldn't love her but because I couldn't. Or maybe we both couldn't, maybe I got that from my father and she just couldn't take it anymore.

But at least I can be happy for her, that she has a family who will love her more than I can. She deserves it.

I knew that I'd end up hurting her in the end, I just didn't realize it would be like this.

~~~

A blurry hand was being waved in front of my face and I quickly realized I had been staring at the wall.

"Liaaaa," Val sing songed. "You alive in there?" I blinked.

"Hm? Oh, yeah." I smile automatically but Val frowns.

"Andy just left," She says.

"Oh did she? I must have zoned out.." I lie. I remembered walking out here to say goodbye, but Andy didn't even look at me. She just went around me before grabbing her backpack and heading out the door. She had looked like she had wanted to say something, but fought herself on it. From the look she had in her eyes I knew it probably wasn't something nice and I couldn't even be mad about that, I probably deserved it.

"Uh huh," Val replies, not sounding convinced. "We should get some breakfast."

"Okay." I turn on my heel and walk to the kitchen, I can smell pancakes on the stove before I even turn the corner to see Val's mom cooking up some of the fluffy breakfast cakes on the stove.

"Is it a special occasion?" Val asks skeptically, studying her siblings sitting at the table. Mrs, Clark smiles at her and shakes her head.

"No occasion. I wanted to make pancakes for you all before Andy left, but it seems she got an earlier flight than I intended." She flips two of the pancakes on the pan. "Could you girls set out plates?"

Val nods, but I'm already grabbing the plates from the cabinet. I haven't had pancakes in years, maybe not since I was a teenager and decided to make some for myself one morning. Only to realize it's a lot more complicated to make pancakes from scratch then just flour and milk, I ended up with a messy kitchen and the cleaners scolding me.

We all sit at the large table as Mrs. Clark uses a spatula to serve the pancakes onto each of our plates.

I grab the butter and spoon some on the pancake before drizzling maple syrup all over it. I take a bite and almost groan at the fluffiness.