Why am I afraid? | Seongjoong

Chapter IV : The Safe Place

~Seonghwa~

It's been three days since I've last seen Hongjoong. I know he is working hard on something really important but still.
I only heard him come back late at night. He slept on the couch in the living room probably to prevent waking me up.

I stayed awake, working on some Court's judgment for my lessons, until I heard him unlock the front door. I always know it's him because he has the habit of drooping his keys on the ground almost every time and giving a quiet sigh.

His clumsiness is really cute.

I hope he's doing well. I mean I know that the final result of his project is going to be awesome but is he okay? Isn't he overworking? He never stops, he comes home just to sleep. He is already gone when I wake up.
I'm worried but maybe I shouldn't be, he's probably avoiding me and it's just a good excuse.
One way or the other, he would have to talk to me eventually because that's not healthy for either of us.

I really need to talk about all of this with someone. I'm so tired. I have to lie to Wooyoung a hundred times a day, he keeps asking too many questions.
I put down my pen and pushed my homework on the side of my desk. When I walked out of my room, San and Wooyoung were cuddling on the couch, watching a romance drama.

"What is it? Why do you look like you just saw a ghost?" Wooyoung asked me, stopping the TV.

"Oh, no. It's nothing. I'll come back later."

Before I could leave, San grabbed me by the shoulders with both hands forcing me to sit down between Wooyoung and him.
"You are not going anywhere, Park Seonghwa. Now talk!"

I stayed silent, not knowing how to say the truth.

Wooyoung broke the silence. "We know it's about Hongjoong. You two are acting like high school students having a crush on each other. You're always watching the other hoping he wouldn't notice. Well, maybe you both don't see it but we all do! It's cute but it's almost embarrassing."

"I like it. It's like watching your parents falling in love." San replied so innocently.

I laughed heartily, these two are so cute together. Their friendship is so precious.
"Okay. Fine, I'm gonna tell you everything you want to know."

...

"... And that when he fell asleep. I hugged him and fell asleep myself." I finished.

They both were too stunned to speak. A smile took shape on Wooyoung's face.

"I KNEW IT! I've been telling you all along, San. SHIT! I KNEW IT! I WAS RIGHT!" Wooyoung screamed in our ears, jumping all around the room.

"Yes, yes, it's great. Now sit down." San responded, grabbing Wooyoung's face with his hands to calm him down. I didn't know if I should be laughing or crying at how discreet I was. At least, I'm relieved. No more impossible secrets to keep.

"BUT WAIT! What does it mean? Are you guys a couple now? Hongjoong is your boyfriend?" Wooyoung asked, confused.

"Hum, no. I mean I'd like to but no, not yet anyway." I quickly responded, lowering the last part.
I want to be in a relationship with Hongjoong? What? I never thought of it. He is my friend, my best friend.

"If you want my advice, just be careful Seonghwa. Hongjoong doesn't show it but he is really sensitive. If you're not sure, don't go break his heart." Wooyoung said solemnly. "Anyway, you'll look so lovely together. I can't wait to see that!"

They then gave me a big hug, rubbing my back, thanking me for putting my trust in them.

~Hongjoong~

"Hey, sorry to bother you but can we talk?" I timidly asked the man working on his laptop.

"Of course! What's going on? You seem to have something on your mind." Chan kindly responded, patting the chair next to him telling me to sit there. "So, what's wrong?"

I took a deep breath and proceeded to explain. "I feel like you're the only one I can tell right now.
I made a huge mistake."
He didn't respond. He just took my hand rubbing his thumb on its back to comfort me.
I slowly continued. "I can't talk about this with Wooyoung or anyone else. Please don't tell a soul. Not even Changbin or Jisung." I pleaded.

He nodded slightly. "Don't worry. I'll stay quiet as a grave. Go ahead."

No turning back now.

I slowly began. "I did something. Something bad. Well not really bad but I'm not sure it should have happened. Wait, no! I don't regret it, it was actually pretty great at the moment!" Chan looked at me so confused, not certain what to say after that.
I continued. "I made out with someone, with a man."

"I'm not sure why it is a bad thing, you've always liked men so...?" He replied, trying to light up the mood.

"It was with Seonghwa."

After a few seconds, Chan looked me in the eyes, very seriously. He let out a sigh and mumbled. "Okay, I see why you said you had a problem."

He took his time before starting. "I understand you need advice but before that don't you have any idea of what you want? Do you like him, yes or no?"

"I-I actually didn't even ask myself that. I'm clearly attracted to him. I mean he is particularly gorgeous. I love how he runs his hand through his hair, how he slightly frowns when he's working. He's really smart and funny even if I'm probably the only one who laughs at his jokes. He always takes good care of me, and his friends. He's the first to help.
He is a really good listener. He listens to all my worries, my problems but also just my everyday life.
He's always patient with everyone. Comfort the ones in need, and wipes out their tears.
His eyes are incredibly beautiful. I'm not even going to talk about his body. I mean this man is so damn-" I paused, I slowly realized. "Wait, does... that mean I..?"

"Love him? I don't know but you definitely have feelings for the guy."

I zoned out.
Do I? Do I have feelings for Seonghwa? I've known him for a long time. I never thought of him that way.
Do I want something more than friendship?

To be continued...