Why am I afraid? | Seongjoong

Chapter XVIII : Do you forgive me?

~Hongjoong~

I was still sleeping in Mingi's bed since he chose to sleep with Yunho as long as Seonghwa wants me out of our bedroom and sleeping with Yunho didn't seem to be too unpleasant for him. Even if things were better between me and Seonghwa, we decided to keep some kind of distance.
It was around 3 a.m. when I heard the door of the bedroom opened.

"Are you asleep?", whispered a little voice.
As soon as I heard it, my heart began to beat faster and louder. I know this voice too well.

I replied trying to stay calm. "No-no, I'm awake."

He approached slowly. I could see his beautiful face, thanks to the moonlight. He laid down next to me.

"Don't say anything. Just hug me." He pleaded.

This moment felt ethereal. I held him tight against me, he buried his face in the warmth of my neck.

"Hongjoong? Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, go ahead. I'll answer whatever you want."

"Do you miss me? I mean you've said that you missed me already and that you regret what you've said but for what? Our friendship or the beginning of something more?" He whispered, I could hear the hesitation in his voice. "Honestly, I miss you and our relationship." He finished saying with a even lower tone, I almost couldn't hear it.

I felt tears wanting to fall down, "Yes, I miss you like crazy. I feel so bad and guilty for what I did. Pushing you away was not the solution, you were always on my mind. Every single day. I thought of you every second of every minute. Not being able to see you was eating me alive. As for the other thing... Seonghwa, I'm..." Here we go, it's do or die. "I truly love you and I would give everything and anything for you to reconsider me as even just a good option to be your boyfriend again." He could actually hear me this time, it was terrifying but it felt good. It was right for him and for me.

"I'm sorry." He replied trying to hide his sobs. He retreated for the hug, facing me, looking me straight in the eyes.

I slowly wiped the tears falling down of his face, "Don't be sorry Seonghwa, this is all my fault. I'm the one who's sorry. I made you cry way to much for a life time."

He sat back on the bed, no longer lying next to me, facing the end of the bed. I sat next to him. I cup his cheeks with my hands, trying to make him look at me one more time. My eyes running on every trait of his beautiful face.

"I am sorry for what I said to you, for what I did to our friendship and for messing probably the best thing I ever had." I continued, trying to find the right words for a relationship I broke.
I leaned my forehead on his and closed my eyes as I felt all my fears, sadness and guiltless freely slipping away from my shoulders. At this particular moment, I felt relieved I could finally apologized properly to Seonghwa. Not with a large explanation and excuses, just a genuine apology.

We were both crying. It was a weird feeling of sadness, joy but also of comfort, consolation and hope. Hope. Maybe we can talk and be friends again. I don't know how long it's gonna take but I'll use every second I have to make it up to him.

I took a look at the handsome man in front of me. Our eyes met in a moment that felt like forever. He had a glance at my lips.
Is he going to-?
He gently grabbed me by the back of my neck, pulling me closer. His other hand placed on my chest, slowly moving up to my neck then jawline.

He gave me a soft kiss on the lips. This was like he asked if he could continue. I returned his kiss, letting my fingers run through his hair. The kiss became deeper, more intense.
He made my head spin, completely intoxicated by his scent, his sweet lips still on mine making me eager for more.

He pulled back of the kiss. "Come with me. We can't continue in someone else's bed." He grabbed my hand, guiding me around the apartment. We tried to make the less sound as we reached our own bedroom.

When we entered the room, he quickly locked the door and turned, facing me.
He kissed me once again, it felt so incredible. I wished I could stop time when he'd kiss me.

"I'm totally sober and right now, I really want you. Right now, I want you in every single way. If you don't want to continue, tell me."

"Hwa, I-I..." I was still confused as what the hell was happening. Weren't we supposed to stay away from each other? "You don't hate me?"

"I tried, honestly but I think we both needed time to figure things out. Now, I reply to your question so can you focus a little on what I'm asking you?" He complained. He is so cute when don't have what he wants.

A smile forming on my lips as I kissed his neck. "I'm going to take the control now. Don't worry."

~Seonghwa~

Hongjoong pushed me on the bed, going on top of me. I couldn't stop having flashbacks of the first night that happened. What if he regrets afterwards? What if he rejects me again? I'm so scared I don't think I can face another rejection. Why am I thinking about that right now?
Hongjoong was kissing and biting my neck.

"Wait, you're going to leave marks!" I pushed him a little, I could feel goosebumps all over my body.

He looked at me, a smile on his face. "That's the plan, baby."

This time, I didn't stop him. I put a hand on the side of his head and pulled him towards me. My other hand travelling on his back, slipping under his shirt, touching his bare skin.
I kissed him. He kissed me.

The rest of the night felt like a dream.

To be continued...

Today is Wooyoung's Day!!
Happy Birthday to the jewel of ATEEZ!
He's the absolute best.

(Edit : At first, I was about to write smut for this chapter but I didn't find the inspiration. Maybe I'll update it one day.)